Help and advice needed

[YourRealOpalPombear]

I am torn between my neglectful family and my angry in laws who are upset at the way I am being treated.

My brother is getting married and I have been asked to be a bridesmaid and for my son to be page boy. However my family show little to no interest in me or my son. They dont make any effort to see us. Involve us in family functions or maintain any relationship. As a result my in laws feel upset and frustrated that I give them the time of day. My husband feels the same and gets very hurt, resentful and angry at my treatment. I am also upset too as they are not openly horrible or nasty however very neglectful and selfish. I am the oldest sibling and first to have a baby on my side but the youngest on my husbands side.
It causes arguments with my in laws who acuse me of putting my son as first priority and make me feel bad when I go to see them or do anything for them. I feel very caught in the middle and dont know how to approach this without causing some sort of conflict.

Do what YOU want to do.

I can't imagine a situation where in laws can have so much to say about your family. Your in-laws are over stepping the mark. Your family may not be perfect and not treat you in the way they ideally should but that is your business. Only you can decide if you want to maintain the relationship and you can decide at som point it's not worth it. BUT if you complain about them constantly (not saying you do) to your partner and it gets passed to your in-laws they will have opinions, so you need to keep complaints to yourself if you don't want feedback. 🍀

Clearly your brother cares enough to have you as bridesmaid. What exactly are your in-laws complaining about? Do they realise that family dynamics are different between families and that not every family behaves the way they do?

If your brother wants you there, and you want to be there, then thats that.
No one elses opinion matters.

Without knowing everything about your life and your family it’s hard to pass too much judgement but from this small snippet it sounds like your husband and his family don’t want you involved with your family? Are you sure that your family are actually neglectful and selfish, have they always been this way or is this just since you have been with your husband?
The in-laws reaction to you wanting to spend time with your family is so concerning.