Why do I want him back after asking him to leave?

[Dibbleandgrubb]

First time poster after years of watching from the sidelines - but I need help with my relationship…

Been together for 6 years - a few peaks and troughs along the way (ie he cheated fairly early on) - we are both divorced, he has older kids and mine still at home - we lived separately until about 2 years ago when he moved in with me. That’s where is all started to go wrong - the job he was getting never materialised and he didn’t contribute to the household at all - so after about 3 months I asked him to leave. We reconciled and he moved back in, got job, all ok etc.

Approximately a year ago my spidey senses got the better of me and turned out he had been messaging an old flame….’they were just friends….’ this upset me somewhat and he promised that he would tell her he couldn’t continue with the communication etc.

About 6 weeks ago I moved his phone as it was in the way of what I was doing and a message popped up from her…..naturally I went a bit bat sht and he said she’d instigated it, he was just trying to be a ‘friend’ to her…..

So I asked him to leave again…..which he did.

After all of this why am I the one who feels so absolutely heartbroken and would do anything to try and get him back - I regret so much asking him to go - he has not fought for the relationship at all…..

Even as I am writing this I am absolutely sobbing.

Because it’s been six years of being emeshed in this and you can’t turn it off like a tap. It is time to strictly cut this off though – you are wasting your life on this person. Do you want to wake up another 6yrs older and be in this exact same position?

Because you are grieving the loss of what the relationship could have been, if only he'd been a different person.

You've done the right thing, give it time.

Darling this is totally normal. Its hormonal. What can you do for yourself.

It went wrong from the first time he cheated - I think what you accept early on in the relationship sets the pattern for the rest of it, tbh.

Of course it hurts, but don't go chasing after a man who treated you this way. You will recover and in time wonder what the heck you were doing with him.

Do your future self the huge favour of riding out the pain now. Lean on friends and family, be gentle with yourself, do nice things for yourself. You will not regret this split on the long run.

It's ok to be upset that the relationship has ended but honestly, you'd be an absolute fool to take him back. He's a cheater and you don't trust him, with good reason. You deserve better than a lifetime of wondering what (or who) he's up to.

You just have to hold on and get through this bit, it's the hardest but it will get better. Keep busy, distract yourself, see friends and just get through each day. DO NOT have any contact with him, block him on everything.

It’s completely normal to feel a huge loss at the end of a relationship. Whether the relationship was functional or not you were emotionally attached and moving on from that is always difficult.

In this instance separating and regrouping has actually been a key facet of your relationship all along. So it’s going to take some additional insight and work on your part not to fall back into that pattern you have been locked in. All the best.

op my last ex had one of those ‘friends’ . We’ve been split up coming up a year now and I still ask myself could I not just have put up with it but honestly I could not. My life would be a lot easier if he was still here but I am not the sort of person to turn a blind eye to this shit and neither should I be .