I can't quite believe that I'm awake still, mulling this all over. How I didn't lose my shit about this as it happened.... again.... I have no idea. I think I am done but would love to get opinions.
Been seeing someone for nearly six months. We're both late fifties. I've never married but was with someone for over 10 years. Amicable ending, no shared offspring. He's been divorced for over 5 years, separated for 5 years before that, but shared children, now in their early thirties.
Quite early on, so February time, we fell out over his ex. She's a published author, but hasn't released anything in many years. I noticed he kept looking at her website and YouTube channel at really odd times of night. So after going to bed, middle of the night and 5 am when he gets up for work. Yes I snooped on his phone, but we weren't having sex, he had... still has... ED.... and I got suspicious that there was someone else.
He looks at specific photos of her every time. A minute later he's looking at porn. Then her photos again. Very specific clothes and hair styles. I had it out with him and he denied that he still has feelings for her. I didn't believe him and we split up for over a month. I really missed him so when he reached out we decided to start again,
I told him I wouldn't snoop again, he played it all down, saying he was just curious about her. I decided to let things play out and see what he's all about.
Yesterday evening we sat down to watch something on YouTube on his TV. He started typing the name of the show into the search bar and there in the search history, right at the top, was her name, immediately followed by a couple of videos entitled "Husband does XYZ to wife" etc.
His defence is that they are old searches from earlier in the year. That he hasn't been looking at her and the other videos just popped up. But I know that's not how searches work. There's a clock beside each search which means they aren't suggestions.
He's really upset that I want to end it again. I've come home and feel really let down. He seems to be obsessed with her. I'm even beginning to wonder whether they're sleeping together. He insists he doesn't have feelings for her but the endless looking at her is abnormal. Well at least I personally feel it is!
I feel like he's settling for me and still wants her. Oh and ironically he started getting an erection as I was leaving!
It's piss poor behaviour isn't it?