Man doesn’t shower

[loveroffashion]

Me and hubby have been together over 40 years and there’s been occasions in the past I’ve had to have discussions over his personal hygiene . Recently it’s got worse he has a manual job but showers every other day when working . Today Sunday I’ve realised he’s not showered since Thursday . He’s been to work played golf twice and no shower . I doubt he’s even cleaned his teeth too and he’s definitely not shaved …. I’m absolutely furious today and told him he’s utterly disgusting . It’s like he can have an odd shower for work but not for me at weekends …. How can I find him sexually attractive ? He can’t seem to see this but if I did that he would go mad . Am I being unreasonable on this ?

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. There would be no sex from me. Totally disrespectful and disgusting.

Of course YANBU!!

Do you have a spare room? If so I'd sleep alone in there and refuse to share a bed unless I know he has showered and cleaned his teeth!

Dirty bastard

Honestly how have you put up with this for 40 years?

What does he say when you mention about not finding it attractive?

There was a similar thread on here a week or so ago.

How and why on earth do you tolerate this? It is honestly beyond the realms of my comprehension.

YANBU at all. I'd have no physical contact with him whatsoever, sexual or otherwise, until he showered and cleaned his teeth.

Nope - I cannot cope with lack of good hygiene. So, he’d be sleeping separately. . .

If he hasn’t cleaned his teeth, that’s much more of an issue than the showering. That is absolutely rank. He must have breath that could stop traffic 🤢😷

Although obviously he should also be showering more often than every four days…!

When you say “If I did that he would go mad” do you mean he would go mad if you didn’t shower? Or that he would go mad if you told him his lack of hygiene was putting you off sex?

Its one of the reaons my marriage broke up. His constsnt BO and stinking breath. He thought his stink was sexy.
It wasnt.

We’ve not slept together for years not due to hygiene but through choice I’m a restless sleeper

I’ve told him exactly how I feel about sex . It’s not the first time . I rant he changes for a while then it reverts back . I have to constantly tell him to get a shave too . Then he says I’m moaning at him . Well is it any wonder . He would go mad if I didn’t . If I go out and have a small mark on a top or trousers he will say “you’re not going out like that are you ? “ I shower do my hair and make up EVERYDAY even if I’m going nowhere … it’s about pride in yourself

He just apologises changes for a few weeks then it reverts back . We’ve had many many rows over it

Not been like this for the 40 years but the past 5 years it’s like he thinks it doesn’t matter anymore

And you can bet your life come tonight he will shower and shave to go off to work . That makes me feel completely unworthy as if I don’t matter at all

Not shaving at the weekend is totally fine IMO - that’s not a hygiene thing, that’s just relaxing.

Showering should be minimum daily plus after anything that has got you sweaty - strenuous work, hot commute, exercise, these hot days. And teeth brushing minimum daily also.

Surely you don’t genuinely think this is unreasonable? 😅

It is not reasonable but it seems to be a running theme on here, especially as men get older.
The teeth thing is really bad for both of you.
The manual work/golf him living his life and not bothering to shower is poor. So he’s getting into a bed sweaty and out of it even worse.
If you sleep separately is he in charge of changing the sheets where he sleeps/how often do they get changed.
He is an a selfish rut and yet expects you to be pristine.
I wish I had some sage advice but I’d stop asking him he’s not a child or lacking in agency. Sadly, it means you end up as roommates.

You'll get apologists appearing any second asking if he's depressed.........

He's only going to get worse with age.... so I'd cut loose now.

Then I'd call time on the marriage OP. He has absolutely zero regard or respect for you.

The guy doesn't care for showers for some reason, but he cares enough that he doesn't smell at work now why would that be? Did someone at work tell him he stunk and now he wants to make sure that he doesn't? And yet he doesn't mind you ,his wife of 40 years, smelling the bacteria that is growing under his armpits, and in his clothing?
Doesn't brush his teeth, doesn't shower, doesn't shave , in other words doesn't care how he looks and smells to you.
Could it be a passive aggressive way of saying he doesn't appreciate not having a sexual relationship?
As you say, he's given up?
Whatever the reason you should be able to talk it out together, he will only get worse with age, and not many would put up with that.

DH has decided that he isn't showering twice a day in this awful heat! When he was 'dating another woman' he showered twice and the nights before I found out he would shower three times (morning, early evening, and after 'the date')!

Of course you are not unreasonable, but how do you tolerate his presence in your home?