Husband calls me OCD for asking him to tidy up

[Vg89]

I am going through tough time at home since my husband is a difficult to live with. He doesn't contribute much as home, he is so messy, and he says I have OCD because I ask him to tidy up. An example is his wardrobe photos attached. What do you think? We have a daughter together and I can't keep up with everything.

Thanks

It’s his wardrobe, let him have it how he wants it. How does it affect you?

Most things are hanging up so I don’t think it’s too bad. I assume the doors close.

Currently at maternity leave with our third. Maternity clothes still in the wardrobe, as are some "normal" clothes and clothes for nursing. So it looks similar. My wardrobe makes me unhappy. I am not OCD... so yes this is messy. But I would let this go as it is his problem. He can put his own stuff in. It is a problem if it is expected that you put clean /ironed stuff in.

Is he making a mess like this in other parts of the house?
Is he expecting you to clean it up?
Has he always been this messy?

@Vg89 i say this to my husband. He’s OCD about tidying up. He hates stuff being left on boot racks or in the laundry room, or on kitchen surfaces. And our house is by no means messy. One of my wardrobes looks like your husbands. My husbands wardrobe looks tidier than a luxury clothes store.

His wardrobe, his problem, close the door and ignore it. Other areas of the house it’s acceptable to ask that he contribute to keeping things tidy. Does he do any housework or expect you to do it all?

I’d just shut the door on that and let him deal with it. I have learnt over time to only get bothered about things that actually affect me - two adult dc and a dh here and they’re all clutter monsters.

Thanks everyone! The problem is that he does the same in the rest of the house and he is not happy when I ask him to collaborate at home, like for instance cleaning the kitchen floor when he drops some food. I believe common areas and his daughter's daily routine are not only my responsibility. Xx

Thanks everyone! The problem is that he does the same in the rest of the house and he is not happy when I ask him to collaborate at home, like for instance cleaning the kitchen floor when he drops some food. I believe common areas and his daughter's daily routine are not only my responsibility. Xx

They are a shared responsibility and if you do the bulk what does he do? Does he do all the garden work and bins and stuff (which hardly compensates for the constant internal cleaning required)? We paid for a cleaner, though they don’t tidy. My DH was far neater than me!
And please everyone OCD is a debilitating mental illness it’s not just wanting things neat and tidy!

No he doesn't. I am in fact the one that painted the garden and cleaned it while he was sleeping and he didn't even offer help. He just said you are the one that wants it clean, you do it. The same with anything chores at home like the bathroom. The mental load I have is unbearable to be honest.

You can't "be" OCD. You can HAVE OCD. You can't BE obsessive compulsive disorder.

How long has it been like this for?

Because, if it's a recent change or had a specific trigger, then it'll be worth talking to him.

But, if he's always been like it, this is the person you married and he is unlikely to change in any meaningful sense now.

OCD is debilitating and exhausting. It’s not about wanting things neat and tidy. People saying saying “I’m a bit OCD” or “I’m OCD about” are clueless.

With his clothes, the key word is his wardrobe. Close the doors and jobs a good un. If he wants to ball it up and stuff it in there, that's his problem.

Him being lazy and treating the household chores as yours alone is a problem, though.

Leaving spills on the kitchen floor is gross. He's a lazy entitled sexist prick. What do you find attractive or loveable about him?

This.
OCD is a very serious, hugdly debilitating mental illness. Not sure if that’s what’s being described here, but I hope for your sake that it’s not OP.

I can understand your point of view if DH is constantly messy, but his wardrobe is none of your business imho. (I don’t think it’s fair to share pictures of it online either.)

He should obviously pull his weight doing housework, though it’s hard to know from the thread if he’s really messy or if your standards are exceptionally high. If you could talk it over and come to an agreement re chores it would be good.