I’ve posted about this before but have NC.
Last year I found out that my partner was a cocaine addict. He had hidden it well from me and I have never done drugs and genuinely had no idea of the signs.
We have 3 children. He pays them no attention, I do all the parenting. I don’t do anything for him, no washing, buying him food, I’ve changed the passwords on the services I pay for.
I claim UC and child maintenance as I was able to prove that we are living completely separate lives.
He is furious about paying maintenance and on Friday they took £800 from his wages (this months payment and some arrears) he is demanding I give it back to him when I get it. I have obviously refused. I am on maternity leave and my income is very low.
We are joint housing association tenants. He won’t move out. I would but it’s not that simple for me. My family are £120 miles away, there are no friends I can live with, especially not with 3 children.
I have spoken to my HA and they are very understanding but have no way of making him leave. I have applied to city for a non molestation order and an occupation order. The court case was meant to be on Tuesday but was postponed due to there being no judge, so I’m waiting for a new date.
Living with him is unbearable. He takes over the lounge at weekends, the children don’t even want to go in there, I can’t take them out far as the car is in his name and he won’t let me use it. I live in a village with not a lot within walking distance.
The relationship was controlling (which I see clearly now I’m out of it) which he continues to do. Last week he let me use the car to take one of the children to the doctors but I had to ask him where the key was and it was in an ornament in the kitchen. He will take my phone and hide it if it isn’t physically on my person. He tells the kids I’m the reason we don’t have a happy, family life.
I call the police every time her is threatening or aggressive but he keeps himself just on the right side so there is no further action.
I have a social worker who I engage with and actively ask for support. I contacted them as I was concerned about his behaviour and drug use around them.
A couple of weeks ago he smacked 2 of the children, I called the police, they spoke to us and the children and took no further action.
I just feel so stuck. I’m trying my absolute hardest but even my solicitor says occupation orders are difficult to get. I could declare myself homeless but would end up in temporary accommodation with no car and have to leave my stuff.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Or has any advice for something I can do that I may have missed?