Should I tell new partner I still live with my ex?

[anaju]

Hi everyone, I really need your advice.

I live abroad bc I got married to a foreign guy 5 years ago. We have been separated for at least 1 year now, but we still live together and I can’t move out until December this year bc I’m waiting for some important documents and I will lose the right if I do.
We are no longer a couple and we live like friends, it’s something we both agreed on.

The thing is, I met a guy at a football bar during the World Cup (I was not looking for it, mostly bc I’m still living with my ex), things are getting serious, we are liking each other, but I was too afraid to tell him about my situation. I told him I am sharing apartment with other people and that I can not have men around and that I will be moving soon, so he can visit me.

We see each other every 15 days bc of his job, and we live in different cities. We would be seeing each other mostly on the weekends (every other weekend at least).

I don’t know if I tell him the truth (since I still 5 months ahead), or if I keep this from him and keep saying I share the apartment with other people.
I am so afraid of losing him. I’m lost. Appreciate it.

so you’re still LEGALLY married but separated and still living together?

you should have been upfront with the guy you’re dating from the start, I’d be super annoyed if I found out after developing feelings.

Rip the band aid off as soon as possible and let the chips fall where they may

Ummm yes - you don’t go into a relationship starting with a lie.

Be honest and transparent- say you didn’t say anything at first as it isn’t something you tell strangers!! But he is important to you so you want to be clear - tell him all the reasons and let him decide

Yes, of course you should. You're married and still living with your husband. That's going to be a hard no from a lot of people, and hiding it isn't going to make you look any better when he inevitably does find out.

I'm not sure how serious it can be yet since its been a month, or two, max but no you shouldn't build a relationship on a lie. Especially one as significant as this.

He's a new boyfriend, you haven't got a lot to lose if he reacts badly. I think you should be honest, it wouldn't be fair not to be.

A man asking this would be roasted alive, and rightly so.

You can't have had more than a few dates with your new boyfriend, and who knows what he's getting up to in the weeks between seeing each other. You need to stop thinking that he's going to be your next partner. You should probably wait until you've moved out before thinking of getting into a relationship.

There's nothing to lose after a few dates, of course tell him.

What documents suggest you can't leave, presumably because you're pretending to stay together for residency rights? I would be honest—why lie?

You should tell him but I’ll be honest this would be a dealbreaker for me. The fact you lied makes it 10x worse but your new man will probably also find it very suspicious. Sorry.

Yes.

Be prepared for new dude to stop seeing you. You're still married and living with your husband.

Don't date until you get your shit together, move out, and get your divorce. Guys who would be cool with dating a married woman who lives with her husband and lies are not going to be guys you want to date.

Ofcourse you should tell him. Also, it seems a bit of a red flag to me that you are so afraid of losing him so early on, and are willing to lie to keep him. Please get some counseling to work out why you have such poor self-esteem, and why you seem to need a man (any man) quite so much.

You're off to a bad start lying to him. Best thing you can do now is come clean and say, sorry for the lies - you were worried he would be put off by your real situation and emphasise how much you want to keep seeing him.

Definitely tell him. When I spilt from my ex husband and finally started dating again I told them we still lived together. It did scare some guys off but one guy still stuck around. He understood my situation, a few weeks after starting to date again, the ex husband moved out.
Always best to be honest as it could get out that you're still living with your ex and he'd appreciate it more if you told him rather then him hear it else where

Did you marry someone for a visa/ residency and then meet someone you like? It all seems very quick otherwise that you married someone then suddenly you've separated but still living together after just 5 years and it's all friendly and coincidentally you will also get ILR in this other country. If you get caught out you'll drag some other poor sap into your illegal activity.

‘New partner’ and ’things are getting serious’ yet ‘met during the world cup’ and ‘see each other every 15 days’ ??? How many times have you actually met this man?

Imagine it was the other way round, you met a guy and he was still married and living with his ex - don't you think he had an obligation to be honest with you? If you want a relationship with this man, it's not great to start off by being economical with the truth!

He's not your fucking partner.