Suggestions for a therapeutic retreat?

[CorvidVengeance]

I am looking for a - week long? - therapeutic retreat in the UK, a space in which to reflect and reset.

I’m putting this in Relationships, not Mental Health, as I am not in any way depressed , just need some support in a mid life review. Am mid 50s, DC are young adults, i myself did a lot of therapy in my 30s to come to terms with abuse in childhood. I’ve ticked along, I’m a stoical, make-the-best-of -what -is type of person .

However, my father died last year and it transpires that my older sister was not his. This makes a lot of sense of everything - all family relationships constellated around my narc mother’s secret and she ensured I was not permitted any form of emotional connection to my dad or to my full sibling. Intellectually i know this but I’d like some help coming to terms with all the lifetime of ramifications away from DH and the DC, who do not need me perseverating about this around them.

If you're the kind to enjoy it, I'd recommend a long solo trek. Something along the lines of the West Highland Way. The physical exertion, and consistent plodding, is incredibly therapeutic and great for helping you work through things in your head.

Failing that, I'd suggest getting an airbnb somewhere as isolated as possible, and go in with a specific daily plan/itinerary that suits you. Walking, cooking, yoga, meditation, reading, etc.

There are specific retreats designed to do this kind of thing, too. They're mostly abroad, and generally very expensive, but if you're flush with cash they're definitely an option.

I don’t think you’re going to get what it sounds like you need out of a week anywhere. A week is enough time to go to the spa and relax and read books and eat nice food. But healing from trauma takes time and ongoing work. You aren’t going to even crack the surface in a week. I’d recommend taking that money and investing it in more, perhaps different therapy and EMDR.

Thank you @SilenceLaySteadily , that is an obvious option that completely eluded me! I used to do a lot of hill walking before DC and I am still very fit. That really appeals to me, the rhythmic ‘moving through space’ is a really important somatic element that so much Western cognitive therapy side steps.

thank you too @mindutopia You’re right that EMDR is a life-changing modality for trauma. I’ve had it, been taught by a NHS psychiatrist how to do it to myself , and it entirely stopped self harm tics in myself.

I think I am ‘there’, just need some space for a short while away from the maelstrom
of daily life to sort through what I’ve discovered since my dad’s
death and piece back together my narrative of self against this newfound knowledge. In short, I now know there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, I was just the biological daughter that my father otherwise did not have. therefore my mother did Everything to short circuit any connection between me and my father, relentlessly working to tear me down and all but destroy me. Well, I am doing just fine these days, very much more than fine, and her cuckoo is a total car crash of a human. Which is a pity for my half sister but that’s on someone else to sort out, not me.

I'd definitely recommend it if the distance/effort doesn't intimidate you. I've done it before, for the same reasons, and it was incredibly helpful. Far more than I ever expected it to be.

@CorvidVengeance If you like the idea of walking therapy, consider the Camino. I walked it recently, alone. It took a month, but you can do week-long stages. It was sublime. I loved it. Still dream about it. It's a number of therapies rolled into one: nature, walking, journalling, silent meditation, and if you like, religious/spiritual too.

@CypressMoon oooh, that’s quite the recommendation! Multi function perambulation! And indeed that was literal therapy for our ancestors, pilgrimage, it just was not framed in those terms back then! We humans can be so wise and then somehow lose touch in the modern age with those hard won wisdoms. Many thanks.

I'd second the Camino too. If you only have a week, you can go from St Jean Pied de Port to Pamplona, flying back from Bilbao.

Downsides: More expensive (flights, transfers & hostels), more travel logistics, probably longer days.

Upsides: Lighter pack weight (no tent, less/no food), and there are companies that'll ship your main pack point-to-point easily if you don't fancy the weight. Far, far more social. Which can, if you choose, have great benefits if you have things to work out (in my experience, lots of people on the Camino do). You'll see the same faces most days (as most people follow the Brierley route), and pick up easy friendships (even if you're a bit of a misanthrope like me). More novel (picking up bits of Spanish, etc). More varied days (socialising, towns/villages, rather than paths).

@SilenceLaySteadily thank you for all this detail. I speak fluent Spanish and have solid savings set aside which Dh and I agree need to be spent now and then on enjoying life, picking ourselves up when needed, a middling rainy day situation. So I know he’d be happy for me to go on my own and spend on a flight (more than happy, I have been going on rather a lot to him , just processing but still, too much to just the one beloved person).

i am neurodivergent (as was my dad) so I know people find me odd and don’t warm to me or my off kilter nervous system so I’m content to be in solitude.

What route did you take and where did you start and finish out of interest? I am very keen to do this.

https://www.dhanakosa.com/

I have been here many times and found it enormously helpful . It's in beautiful scenery run by a very sincere team . A chance to switch off from life without mobiles or internet and just reflect and meditate, walk and come back to yourself.