Teen at home

[likeacrackedscreen]

I'd be grateful for views on my home situation. Single parent, DC aged 19.

Teen earns about £2k take home, works hard at work, does overtime sometimes and earns a bit more some months. Saves well. I earn about £4500 a month net, full time very stressful role, I no longer love what I do but carry on as I like my lifestyle and if I keep going at my current pace I will be able to retire early (thought of retiring early keeps me going). Teen pays £250 a month to live at home. I buy everything at home, all food, all toiletries (I buy in bulk), etc., etc.. Money is not my issue here, just setting the scene.

I am absolutely sick of having to ask teen to do anything at all. Cleaning the kitchen after I have cooked, emptying the dishwasher, putting a loo roll in the bathroom they mostly use when it runs out (I might go in there three times a week), doing their own laundry which becomes mountainous, emptying it out of the washing machine and actually being bothered to hang it up rather than sticking it in the bloody dryer in a heatwave.

They work hard, generally a good kid, always have the energy to see friends on a day off but spend the day in bed or do absolutely nothing if they have not got plans.

I seem to have the same conversation every month without any effect at all.

Yeah it IS challenging. I find it disrespectful when they don’t clean up after themselves. After years of nagging, mine have just started to take note.

I’d up the rent to £600 per month. See if that works.

This is normal for ‘most’ teens, there are lots of teens that don’t even want a job let alone contribute to the household expenses, i’m not saying that he shouldn’t pull his weight more but you could have it a lot worse. Maybe try to hammer the message home by not restocking the toilet roll, he’ll soon realise the importance of certain chores when he can’t wipe his arse 😂 but on a serious note it sounds like you have a good son.

Thanks all, this isn't about money, it is about taking part.

@OMGDidYouSayThat not restocking the toilet roll 😅doesn't affect me very often as I don't use the same bathroom much, but I was mightily pissed off this week when I went for a midnight wee and mid-wee realised that there wasn't any loo roll despite there being 48 rolls in the cupboard on the stairs.

What does your 19yo do that brings in £2k/mo? Impressive!

Can earn that pretty easily in hospitality at minimum wage by packing the shifts in, especially if there are tips on top

Not hospitality, a really niche role tied to something they volunteered for for two years as a sixth form student. Job created with them in mind after A level results and includes sponsorship for a degree so a really good opportunity.

Really @liveforsummer , minimum wage at 19 is only £10.85 an hour, which would mean more than 50 hours a week all year round. Makes me feel old.

There are plenty who will pay full mw here once trained and tips can be nearly as much as wage - dd16 is raking it in this summer even on restricted hours due to her age. She serves a lot of American tourists! Great that your DS has landed such a great role though.

It is frustrating.
mine will do stuff if asked but won’t proactively think to do it! I think couldn’t judge them too hard on it as I think they’ll come round.

in the meantime can you sit and have a discussion , not nagging, but draw up a list of tasks, and assign each one to either of you ? Get their buy in ? Get them to explain why they feel it’s ok for you to do it all now they’re an adult .

Has your adult child ever had to do anything at home @likeacrackedscreen ?
Or have you always done every single thing - down to putting toilet paper in a bathroom you rarely use?

Yeah think i would have been miffed about that too 😂 maybe keep one in your bathroom cabinet as an emergency, test the water and see if you can get him into a routine where he replaces the toilet roll first, then you can tackle something else. Maybe let him know there is a spare in the cabinet, maybe he will think he’s winning if all he has to do is go in the cabinet, then maybe just restock the cabinet once a week and let him self manage. All this assumes you have a cabinet of course 😂

😂Big assumption there @OMGDidYouSayThat .

Not here for the snarky replies @Funchythesnowwoman , your post adds absolutely zilch.

I think that's it @millymollymoomoo , lack of proactiveness - which is probably immaturity. Things are better in the winter, when we are both at home we have a herbal tea routine in the evenings (rock and roll) and they will automatically clean the kitchen before we sit down for a chat, I don't mind the dryer being used because it is winter.

I cook five days a week, they cook two days a week (because I love to cook).

This too shall pass I guess, just like all the other slightly annoying parenting phases.