I feel like I’m going crazy. My other half is making me really anxious in our home, I feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time and I have no one to talk to about it. Everyone thinks he is really kind, really thoughtful but actually is bad tempered, negative, swears. For example, I called him on his way home from work today to tell him that I hadn’t done any chores at home because I was worried how he’d react when he got home, and that he would be annoyed or in a bad mood or asked me what I’ve been doing all day.
he came in from work this evening, having said we would go for food when he got home, so I haven’t done tea. He barely spoke to me or the children and then called me downstairs and asked me what happened to the blind in the kitchen. I told him I didn’t know, it looked fine to me, then proceeded to swear and say that nobody else cared about the house apart from him and then told me that unless it was to let the dog out, I was not allowed to open the back door during the day and it needed to stay closed. I did really get cross with him then and I did swear because who is he to tell me that I’m not allowed to open the door in my own house? This kind of thing is happening more and more, the kids are saying to me don’t tell Dad if they spill something etc. I need to clean that up. I need to do that before he gets home. He’s making me really nervous. Don’t get me wrong he’s never been physical towards me or the children and he can be very kind but he has this underlying anger all the time. The whole house is constantly walking on eggshells and I’ve tried to speak to him about it and he doesn’t see that there’s a problem.
We were supposed to be going out for tea this evening but all of this happened so I just said I’m not gonna go, you just take the kids because I haven’t cooked because we were supposed to be going out. He then said if I wasn’t going, he wasn’t gonna take them which would then mean they missed out. It feels as though I’m not allowed to say that I don’t wanna go, because I don’t think I wanna be around him at the moment, then it feels like he takes that out on the kids then by saying he won’t take them. This then makes me feel bad and tries to make me feel like I’ve done something wrong.
Am I overreacting? Am I just being sensitive? We are neurodivergent household and he almost certainly has ADHD undiagnosed along with a son and we also have an autistic daughter, so things are not always calm but he is usually the reason things are not calm.
I feel that I’m lowering the bar and allowing his behaviour more and more and feel like I just need to ask him to leave. On the other hand, I know that I won’t do that. I don’t work at the moment and he’s the main bread winner. I don’t wanna disrupt the family. I don’t want to split up the family. We’ve recently moved to a new house with a bigger mortgage and I feel trapped when he behaves like this.
Sorry if it sounds like I’m ranting, but I genuinely don’t have anyone to talk t that isn’t also friends with him and I can’t cope with the embarrassment of talking to people about the way that he behaves behind closed doors.