Realising after our break-up how badly he treated me

[Resetrefocusanddoit]

He ended it. Again. Friday - very abruptly on the phone "Ill sort you getting your stuff back over the weekend, its over, deal with it" then turned his phone off all evening until saturday 9am but continued to ignore me. He didnt sort me getting my stuff in fact he blocked my number and answered messages with leave me alone.

Ive re-read all my posts previously that ive made on here about him and im starting to realise just how awful he has treated me throughout this last 2 years - our anniversary- 2 years tomorrow. The irony.

Ive been lied too numerous times mostly about him going to the pub, he used to say he went home when he hadnt or he was working late when the truth was he was in the pub. Its not the pub thats the issue (well it is because of the amount he drinks and spends) its the lies.

We dont live together. I have 2 dcs (disabled) and we live 45/1hour away from each other trust is a big thing in a relationship right?!

He smokes a big amount of cannabis. Swore he would reduce (at least) or quit. Admitted he hasn't even tried to do that - he said it off his own back. Huge drinker to the point where I think he may have a problem.

His words never match his actions - ever. Thursday he was saying he knew how he was going to build the trust back after I found out he had been lying to me for months and how he couldnt stand to loose me and 24 hours later disgards me.

Hes forgotten plans weve made before and hasnt shown up.
Walked out of my house after a bicker driving home extremely drunk.
Changed plans on me continually last minute including friday when he was suppose to come over and help me as im 5 weeks post major surgery..
I had to lend him money for his rent because he didnt have it (got it all back dont worry) all the while hes telling me hes working late on a job but he isnt hes in the pub spending ...
For my birthday he got me a card which said pack your bags we are going to Malta but hadnt booked anything...another false promise

Im sad because I believed his words would come true but his actions show me how little I really mean to him...

Sorry, im just trying to get it all out and down and out of my head.

Im just so sad as I thought he truly did love me but actually I was an option

Whatever he’s his feelings are, these are the facts at hand:

1. he’s an alcoholic
2. he’s a drug user

You can’t have any kind of stability with someone who is only thought is where their next drink/smoke is coming from.
I read your previous post and commented. You don’t have a 2 year anniversary as this isn’t a relationship. It’s a situation where he’s taken whilst you have provided love and care.
He wouldn’t care about anyone, it’s not even personal.
People in addiction like this are erratic, especially on the phone and in messages. Because they are drink/high.
You need to stop romanticising this idiot. There is nothing here for you with this man.
You have your health and two children to think of.
I don’t want to sound cruel as for some reason you love him. It seems he’s not loved you at all - he’s been lying and treating you like crap for two years.
Addicts take from where they can. He doesn’t want your supply anymore he wants to be free to ruin his life even further.
I know it’s lonely and shit and hard but please lovely you have to end this madness.
Addicts promise and lie and talk nonsense.
Get some therapy if you can.
And get your life back.

He loves cannabis more than he loves you.
He loves alcohol more than he loves you.

You're wasting your time @Resetrefocusanddoit look for someone better that will treat you right.

Petula has nailed it. It sounds like the scales are starting to fall from your eyes, you need to find your anger and keep this waster out of your life. He is self destructive, don't allow him to take you down with him.

I hope you can live without the stuff you left at his house? He sounds like an utter shitbag and I hope you block him permanently

Sorry OP but he doesn't sound like a catch. You're much better off without him, he treats you like shit. You deserve better. If I were you I'd keep him blocked and move on with your life. And don't rush into another relationship, take the time to think about why you put up with his shit for so long, so you don't make the same mistake again.

Im sad because I believed his words would come true but his actions show me how little I really mean to him...
So this is your life lesson learned from this terrible relationship: never believe someone's word if they are not backed up by actions.

Its nothing I need right now. Few expensive things such as my garden hedge trimmers (cordless so cost a fortune) my garden chairs and 2 house fans which 6 weeks now post op i could of done with having to stop me boiling to death on my uncomfortable nights sleeps...bathroom stuff which would be nice to have back but I can replace over time.

I just dont want to have to deal with asking for my stuff back he knows my stuffs there its all over his house... and on friday he did say "ill organise getting your stuff back to you over the weekend its over deal with it" before he turned his phone off....he never did and he hasnt been in contact about it since either

Again OP please understand you are not dealing with a rational person. One of my oldest friends who has been sober for three decades started drinking again recently and has done and said the most terrible things.
I am not excusing him I’ve gone NC because of the abusive messages.
For now, park the belongings issue.
Your health is worth more than some hedge trimmers.
The toxicity of him in any shape or form will stop your recovery. It will keep you ill. Your body keeps score.
You sound like a really lovely person with so much love to give but it’s wasted here.
It was described to me of sending a bucket down a well, winching it up, and comes up empty. Once you’ve done it a few times, know it will stay empty. The same result over and over.
Women all over this planet, and on here, have to leave with zero, no money, children with them, nowhere to go.
You have your own life, your own children and your future to work towards.
This man isn’t capable of anything because every waking thought is about him, his next drink or smoke or avoiding life. He doesn’t want the responsibility of a partner who needs care.
Drinkers who are drinking are so selfish, they really don’t care who they hurt or how.
If you speak to someone who is actively sober they will tell you if the shame of that, but will also tell you nothing would have stopped them.
He won’t stop for you or anyone else.

Thank you for taking the time to write this to me...bodies do keep the score dont they! Im an anxious ball of nerves, anytime I have to bring up and issue I know its going to cause even more issues and shit because everything I ever say is deemed an attack and that's when he hasnt been drinking!

Stuff can be replaced over time. My incisions have holes in them which are not healing and I need to focus on that and keeping my kids happy as poss!