Can single mums only date single dads?

[onthebrink23]

The relationship with the person I thought was My Person has come to a very sad end. I‘m not looking to date or anything now, (relationships are exhausting) but trying to work out if it was our very different circumstances that caused the main issue. I have kids and he does not. Is this a red flag or doable? Or is it because I have 100% custody? (My kids are tweens and young teens, so getting more independent etc). Advice for my future please! I was with my husband (their dad) 20 years, then met this person and with him for 3. I have not had lots of partners and don’t want that (for me or my kids). I am not scared of being alone either, I just want some insight into what may be best to look for in the distant future and to learn from all this heartache. This is not the life I had planned!
Thank you x

Dating a fellow single parent just brings different problems -- for example the potential issue of the impact on blending your family on your children, or of staggered residence periods limiting your time together. Also, it's very rare for a single father to have sole residence of his children unless he's a widower (which comes with its own set of issues), so it's not going to be the same.

No I don't think so, lots of single mums & single dad's have partners without children & often age dependent may then have more children with them. I know several examples most variables amongst my friends.

My view as a single dad is it would probably work best for me if a new partner had children, simply as I absolutely don't want more & could someone without kids understand the fact that unless you are a deadbeat shit parent, your kids have to come first?

There are many scenarios out there where one of couple has children at the start & I've seen most, is no right or wrong, just what works for those involved. But tbh I mostly care about the lives of the kids involved, & shipping in new partners can be so damaging for them.

I'd just see how things go, have some time to yourself and focus on the kids who will probably find it hard to adjust to the new family dynamic, you'll be alright, who knows what will happen in the future but having children won't really or shouldn't affect your ability to find a new love.

No, I wouldn’t want someone with kids now. I did date a guy with 2 kids and they were horribly spoilt and indulged and mine are not so blending was never going to work. I didn’t deliberately go for someone without kids but was lucky to meet someone who doesn’t have his own but gets on great with mine. I wasn’t looking, or in a rush to meet anyone after the dad above. I just wanted to focus on the kids and enjoy life really. So it was a bonus when we met and 7 trays later we are getting married. It might not happen now op but I hope it does one day for you 😊

Thanks all. So balanced and reassuring. So it’s all down to the individual. And no, not my priority now, my kids are still (that’s often the issue). Very hard giving a partner all the time and attention they need when you have kids full time and work etc. Hopefully I’ll get it right one day!

I have been a single mum twice and I wouldn't date a single dad. Hypocrite maybe but I dont want to spend time with other people's kids.
I am remarried now and DH will never have a child of his own but I was always open about my feelings.

It's individual, both for you and potential partners and what you both value and prioritise. Also what would suit not just you, but your children too.

I'm not single, but if I were I wouldn't consider anyone with children (unless they were proper adults, with their own homes/fully independent).

I was a single parent but never had a relationship with someone with children. I just didn't want the complication of blended families and exes being around. Just far too many dynamics and relationships that would need to work and be thought about. My own child was very easy going and there was no contact with his dad, so no friction or tensions there.

Now my child is married with a family of their own, there is still absolutely no way on earth I would get involved with someone with children. I am at such a different stage of life where my time and money is my own, I can go where I like, do what I like, so someone with kids just wouldn't be compatible with my lifestyle.

As stated above, someone with adults would be considered though

I personally don’t want to date a man with children but I’ve been called a hypocrite for that as I have children of my own it seems some people do think single mums can only date single dads

I’ve been with my dh for 16 years now. When we first met I had dd aged 4 and he was a lot younger than me and didn’t have any children, we now have Ds aged 14, and obviously my older dd. I never wanted to date anyone with children because I had enough on my plate with my dd and my own ex. It’s entirely up to you who you date and what criteria you have.

Ive dated guys with kids and without. My ex had 2 kids of his own but dumped me after 8 months saying he couldn't handle the fact I have kids. That was 2 years ago. He messaged a few weeks ago saying he regrets dumping me. His loss my boyfriend's gain. My boyfriend is a bit of a tricky situation. Him and his family arent 100% sure if the kid his ex has is his or not. She told him it is but refused to put him on the birth certificate and refuses to let him see his potential kid. It breaks his heart. She won't let him do a dna test either. So for someone who hasn't been able to raise a kid he's extremely good with my kids.
Just because someone has kids dosent mean they are a better fit then someone who doesn't. There's no way of knowing till you get to know this person and see how they are around your kids.

My mum met my stepfather when I was 13. He didn’t have children and didn’t want any but he was happy to have a teen daughter. Things have worked very well.

There isn't any hard and fast rule over this. The only thing to be mindful of is that the pool of single childless men willing to date single mothers is much smaller than the overall pool of single childless men dating.