My husband of 10 years pushed me and I no longer know if I'm safe

[Yunamiya]

Three days ago my husband of ten years pushed me hard and I landed about 8 feet away from him and hurt my back pretty good now for the context he had taken my keys away during the fight I wasn't yelling or screaming at him but I did back him into a corner to try get my keys from him which is when the push happen it wasn't small it was a all out push I did get hurt i had a bad back to begin with and this agitated it even worse I walked out for a few hours to breath and make a decision I was going to pack me and our kids up the following day and leave (it was the evening by the time I returned this happened around supper time) but when I did he wanted to talk things through which we did he apologized we discussed how it made me feel we discussed everything about the situation not to make excuses but he does have combat ptsd and my actions triggered him but I still feel like three days later that im not safe that this could happen again and worse even though he has never once before laid a hand on me or harmed me and im second guessing myself as I dont want to be in this situation again he wants our marriage to work but I just dont see him the same as I once did

You lost me after the words....pushed me hard. Leave.

In these situations, once the first incident is forgiven and forgotten, they realise they can do it again and it escalates.
Please leave for the safety of you and your children.

Can you be ABSOLUTELY sure it'll never ever happen again? No, you can't.
In which case you need to leave him.
Take this advice, from someone who knows😥

Are the arguments a regular thing? There’s a lot of aggro at home for me (it’s all him but I do respond, leading to an argument). The anger is real & he prides himself on never having “laid a finger on us”. But that doesn’t really matter… Your DH has done that now. The talking is a red herring. Have you heard it all before? You might not leave tomorrow, but something has clicked for you, OP.

Taking your keys was also a form of false imprisonment. Big red flag.

And combat PTSD is an excuse for abuse. Don't buy it.

I couldn’t live with this… I could not imagine living with someone who had physically hurt me like this.

Shall we use the proper words, and see how it sounds? He assaulted you, causing actual bodily injury. I am so sorry, but the reason you feel unsafe is that you are not safe. The question is not whether you need to leave, it is whether you will manage to get out before he hurts you again.

This
can’t believe you’re spending time posting on munsnet
get your bags packed and go
or phone the police and make him go
one way or another concentrate your efforts on this

All i’ll say is you deserve to feel safe in your own home so do whatever you need to do to make sure you are.

Unless he was taking your keys off you because you were drunk and intending to drive somewhere, the push was actually his second act of aggression.

I get the impression you know that you must leave and that you will; that you are here for support for what is a hard but still upsetting decision to have to make. You will get an abundance of that here.

My understanding is that, although PTSD can be treated and managed, it cannot always be cured. That leaves the sufferer and those around them unsure whether or not it will cause another flash of violence. But if what happened was a one off, can you be sure that it was caused by PTSD? And if it is PTSD, what is to say that switch won't be flicked by your children?

The thing you can be sure of is that once someone is violent to their partner, they are likely to do it again and it often gets progressively worse and more frequent. I don't know whether it is because they consciously decide that, as it has been forgiven, they have been given a green light regardless of what their victim has said and their own promises to not do it again. That would make their partner not someone they love but the punch bag that is available when they want to lash out. It certainly means whatever respect they had for their partner is gone. Or maybe, once the line has been crossed and they've allowed themselves to release the violence that has been simmering within them, they don't make a decision at all. They don't think about it. It just becomes who they are and what they do, their normal. All that is for them to discuss with a therapist and they seldom do.

Whatever may or may not apply, it makes no difference to what you need to do to keep yourself and your children safe. Don't second guess your own thoughts and instincts. Leave and end all contact other than what is essential for your children (and do that via a co-parenting app or email).