Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Found disturbing porn on partner's computer and not sure how to feel

38 replies

muffinmunch · 28/07/2026 22:27

i hope this is the right place for this, i dont know where else to try on here.
how do you handle men with disgusting porn?

dp out at pub this eve, was using his pc for printing, with his knowlege.
i noticed he had some of our holiday photos on there, so was flicking thru them after finishing up.

i then saw some videos in his media files, obvious porn, i smirked at first as he is quite str8 laced and would be v embarrassed if people knew he had porn. but no biggie i thought, most men prob have a few secret vids or mags stashed away, no?

i knew right away it was porn as the title of was one "private" and I remember when we started going out (2 yr) i found a mag of the same name in his bedside drawer. i didnt mind (it was obv from when he was single) and thought it was funny to see him blushing. never thought of it since.

the other was called ' betty screws the crew' (DONT google it) and curiosity got the better of me, i wish it handt! i felt naughty to have a quick peek but my god i was disgusted and shocked, struck numb that anyone could find this sexy. think 2 girls 1 cup, but to the nth degree.

im not sure if i ma more disgusted or shocked or what. i dont feel angry just weird.

i dont even know what to ask i just wanted to tell someone! i obv wont look at him the same after this, how could i? should i confront him? is this harmless as long as its just some fetish in a video?

help! what to think!

nb - this is an AI thread title btw, it suggested it as mine was obv rubbish!

OP posts:
muffinmunch · 04/08/2026 18:51

ScrollingLeaves · 28/07/2026 22:43

I don’t know what cup is and don’t want to look it up because of all that’ll come with it.

Yes, harmful and horrible. A worm in his mind. It must be nearly impossible to get rid of too.

re getting rid of it - he says the second he feels aroused over something, his mind often goes 'straight there'

OP posts:
muffinmunch · 04/08/2026 18:52

PrincessOfPreschool · 28/07/2026 22:49

I googled it 🤮🤮🤮🤮. And apparently that's mild compared to what OP found.

OP, I'm not sure how I would feel. Very, very freaked out. I think I would have to talk about what he gets out of it.

he said things like he is turned on by the taboo, the idea / spectacle of degredation etc
so it seems my friend was right and there is some fetish at work even over and above the sh*t!

OP posts:
muffinmunch · 04/08/2026 18:52

ScrollingLeaves · 28/07/2026 23:19

Thank you.

It must be a fetish. How strange and as it has a sort of nick-name (‘cup’) it must be popular.

It is difficult to see how sex comes into it. There could just be two naked women eating chocolate, but presumably something much more happens.

It would be difficult to see your DH in the same way again I should think.

It would be difficult to see your DH in the same way again I should think.

tell me abt it, he seems like a stranger rn

OP posts:
muffinmunch · 04/08/2026 18:53

Lemonsmelons · 28/07/2026 23:21

If this is true. I would never ever ever want to see him again talk to him or anything. I would literally never want to be in the same room as him ever ever again. He is not right in the head looking at stuff like that. He really isn’t.

I would be telling him to go and go quietly and quickly with no hassle out of my life. I would be telling him with a friend next to me. I would never be in the same room as him alone again. Depraved.

wow this is the kind of nuclear reaction i wondered if i should be having?!
i just felt / feel numb about it

OP posts:
muffinmunch · 04/08/2026 18:55

OMGDidYouSayThat · 29/07/2026 00:43

Well everyone is different i guess, it never fails to surprise me what some people are into, it doesn’t make it right though, some people are just into some disgusting stuff, only you can decide whether you find the content acceptable or not in your relationship, the only exception is illegal content, that is non-negotiable and however much you love someone you have to stand by your morals and report them.

hi, i think i could have coped better simply not knowing, i can see now ignorance was bliss

if it was some hidden fetish he occasionally got off over, i guess that is tolerable if you dont know?! if that even makes sense lol

OP posts:
muffinmunch · 04/08/2026 18:58

PetulaGordeno · 03/08/2026 12:45

That would turn my stomach. I couldn’t go near a man who was watching that.
And I very much the women were there for fun in that film - probably trafficked, under threat and coerced. Absolutely grim.

actually the clips i flicked thru seemed to be off a fairly slick / commercial film, not some dodgy diy backroom video.

this surprised me too, that videos of women being sh*t on and otherwise degraded could be considered "entertainment" and be presumably sold openly?

😡😫.

OP posts:
Beachtastic · 04/08/2026 20:28

I learned about the "cup" video a few years ago. The men who told me about it told me not to look it up. Of course, I looked it up. 😖🤮🤮

Their attitude was very much "Well these things exist and the world's a crazy place. Just goes to show there are some loonies out there" kinda thing. They knew about it from school - it's the sort of thing that did the rounds, in a "Have you seen this shit?" way (ouch for the accidental pun, but you get what I mean).

But to find it erotic??????????????????
That's deeply disturbing, to me anyway.

Anyahyacinth · 04/08/2026 21:03

Beachtastic · 04/08/2026 20:28

I learned about the "cup" video a few years ago. The men who told me about it told me not to look it up. Of course, I looked it up. 😖🤮🤮

Their attitude was very much "Well these things exist and the world's a crazy place. Just goes to show there are some loonies out there" kinda thing. They knew about it from school - it's the sort of thing that did the rounds, in a "Have you seen this shit?" way (ouch for the accidental pun, but you get what I mean).

But to find it erotic??????????????????
That's deeply disturbing, to me anyway.

Surely it's erotic to them because it demeans women and makes them feel 'powerful' or superior ...it says an awful lot about the consumers needs

MenArePigs · 04/08/2026 21:54

It upsets me so much that none of these bastards actually think about the person behind the acts. We really are just objects to them hey.

I’d be leaving but as you can see with my username I have lost faith in men completely.

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 04/08/2026 22:32

muffinmunch · 04/08/2026 18:49

so we eventually spke about it
i basically demanded 'why are you watching ppl sh*tting on women?' as he sat at the table yesterday. i didnt see any point in using flowery language and his face was a picture

at first it was angry denial till i said i found it when using the pc, then it switched to anger about me "snooping". but all deflection really

when calmer he admitted watching / downloading it. says he deletes the vids after watching them, not leaving evidence (except this time!). says he really gets off on them, but sometimes it gives him the ick if he has a reality check

i asked how is it even sexy, tho at least the viewers will be spared the smell in the room! he says he likes the ideas of taboo, degredation, boundary pushing

we at least talked abt it and didnt fall out, other than his initial reaction to being doorstepped like that. so i am pleased at that, but stilll cant look at him the same!

i dont know what to think, beyond that he is a dirty c*nt! cant imagine him being anywhere near me currently!

He says he likes the ideas of taboo, degradation, boundary pushing…

This grotesque creature is absolutely ripe for the likes of incest, bestaility and paedophilia - what would stop him as these are the ultimate and he’s nowhere else to turn once he’s desensitised to men shitting on women - presumably it’s not the other way round, so he’s really a covert misogynist who gets off on watching WOMEN being humiliated by MEN.

Absolutely gross, he should be ashamed and needs urgent counselling and psychotherapy.

Beachtastic · 04/08/2026 22:58

Anyahyacinth · 04/08/2026 21:03

Surely it's erotic to them because it demeans women and makes them feel 'powerful' or superior ...it says an awful lot about the consumers needs

Yes, OP's partner has said he is turned on by the degradation.

It would be a no from me.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 04/08/2026 23:07

My god, what a disgusting person to actually seek videos of women being shit on because he finds it arousing 🤢 🤢 🤢

I suppose he doesn't give a damn that this happened to real women/girls, and that they were almost certainly being trafficked.

I would 100% leave my H for this.

Bones101 · 05/08/2026 00:40

Its not normal to keep videos.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread