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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Sister NC, is it possible to repair relationship?

34 replies

MightyS · 28/07/2026 21:14

I went NC with my sister 2 years ago.
Not one particular thing but a series of irritating and annoying issues.
She made a joke at my expense one evening and I called her out on it and sent her a text telling her how I had felt about her for months. I will admit the text was harsh.

She apologised but I wasn't interested.

Shes totally pulled away from the family and I haven't seen her or her dc in 2 years.

Is it possible to rebuild our relationship? If so how?

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 29/07/2026 00:04

Honesty, OP i think you need to work out what you were trying to achieve with no contact. Seems like you have only hurt yourself. I cannot imagine not sorting it out at the time and restoring the friendship

I think you need to work out why going no contact is your answer to issues. I know sometimes no contact is right for some but clearly you've seen it doesn't work here for you.

OneNewEagle · 29/07/2026 00:12

None of this makes sense. If you are NC with someone that would mean you wouldn’t invite them to family get togethers?

my siblings are all NC with me I’m not spoken to or included. I’m actively excluded from seeing my parents, which is the worst part.

i suggest you leave your sister alone to get on with her life. What my siblings have done to me is not something I will forget or get over over time. Our relationship is ruined for always. So if they turned around and suddenly started including me again i would decline all invites as I have my own life that they are not part of, I have boundaries in place so they can’t hurt me ever again.

Arsenalfan3 · 29/07/2026 00:13

If you’ve been NC with most of your family, have you reconciled with the rest of them?

Why do you want to reconcile with your sister, what’s changed?

SandyHappyPerson · 29/07/2026 00:21

If her children are old enough to have children themselves, do you not communication with any of them? Do you send them Christmas/birthday cards etc?

Italiangreyhound · 29/07/2026 01:26

I'm so sorry OneNewEagle

That sounds very hard.

4t4 · 29/07/2026 01:36

I think you sound quite confused about NC. It’s generally a reasonable solution to abuse. And it protects you from further abuse.

You haven’t really gone NC with family members, you’ve just had periods of no speaking for some reason.

If I were your sister, I’m afraid I wouldn’t want contact with you. You admit your text/s were angry and harsh. Why would she risk more of the same?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/07/2026 02:06

You say that your parents want NC to end with your sister.
I suggest you have a talk with them about it.
Ask how she is... what she would think if you did make contact again, would she be open to it... that would be opening a channel.

Do you really want to be in contact again? Is there anything about her that you miss?
If you went through this process.I think you'd both have to forgive each other and resolve not to let it happen again or it could renew old wounds and there would be no point in doing that.

favmlfub · 29/07/2026 02:29

Just leave her alone, I haven’t spoken to my sister in 6 years and never will, it’s taken her 5 years to finally leave me alone as she harassed me for the first 5 years trying to get me to talk to her, just take the hint and leave her alone

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 29/07/2026 05:04

ReleaseTheDucksOfWar · 28/07/2026 22:44

I've been NC with most of my family at one point or another over the years.

This sounds like either you need to really work on how to handle relationships or to walk away yourself.

NC isn't a game. It hurts people, badly.

If you really mean that you want to be in contact with her, then it'd be best to learn a lot about how to express yourself constructively, handle conflict, set your own limits for a relationship and decide what you'll accept from others and stick to it. Taking quick umbrage isn't part of it; walking away from a conflict situation, calming down and then trying to resolve it is.

If that point comes then you know your sister best, and can probably guess whether a letter, a text or an in person visit is best. If you're unsure, a hand written letter might be best starting off with an apology and acknowledging that you handled the situation badly and you're sorry. A genuine apology can go a long way to building a bridge; without it, things never quite heal. After that acknowledging that you have been trying to do things differently will let her know that you won't handle a difficult situation in the same way again, which might give her the confidence to have a bit of faith in you.

Are your parents healthy people to be around? You said that you'd been NC with most of your family at one time or another. It seems likely that perhaps your family run on high-conflict and high-drama and this is how you've learned to relate to one another. If this is the case (again, this is just a guess) then maybe it's better if your sister does keep her distance. If it isn't and your parents are calm folk, then saying that you see how she's staying away is hurting them, and acknowledge that it's your fault but that you'd like to repair things for your own sake, but also for theirs.

If your sister is fundamentally reasonable then she might mull this over and get back in touch, and things might be repaired. If the original quarrel hurt too much or was the final straw, or if she runs on emotion and grudges, then she might not.

If she does then you'd better be damn sure that if you get angry with her again, you handle it differently. She almost certainly won't give you a third chance.

All you can do is lay your cards on the table, apologise, and hope.

Excellent advice!

"Are your parents healthy people to be around? You said that you'd been NC with most of your family at one time or another. It seems likely that perhaps your family run on high-conflict and high-drama and this is how you've learned to relate to one another. If this is the case (again, this is just a guess) then maybe it's better if your sister does keep her distance."

I also wondered this. Often sibling conflict stems from family dysfunction caused by immature or controlling or negligent parents. The parents create tensions and rivalry between the kids that flare into open conflict and estrangement in adulthood. The golden child/scapegoat trope is a common setup in dysfunctional families, for example.

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