So here I am. A mum of two aged 4and 8. In a long term relationship with their father of over 10 years. And I feel lost, done in, alone.
I am 31 and my partner is 43. We have been together for a long time. And have two beautiful all be it handful of children.
I've had my fair share of trials in my relationship. He was my very first person I'd ever been with having been brought up in a strict religion I left that for him. Having thought he wanted to settle down and have children which was what I wanted having been brought up that way. The honey moon only lasted I'd say 2 months before he ignored me, stopped wanting to spend time with me. Then he'd pick me up things would be great and this carried on for nearly 2 years. Until we booked a family holiday and I found out I had an STI. The nurse gave him a get out of jail free card saying in can be in someone's system without knowing a while.. there was no one else I could have got it off. But because of my religious background, not wanting to give in or let go because I didn't want to prove the religion right... I stayed .. I got pregnant and my life after that was up and down with him. I couldn't live with him but couldn't live without him. We have gone through some real lows.
I cannot tell you when he last told me he loved me. When I broach the subject he says I'm still here aren't i. I cannot tell you when he's ever told me I look nice. Or thanked me for anything I've done for him. We have lived together full time for 2 years now. I cook , clean, look after the children, do the washing and drying, take the bins out basically every job you can think of in the house as well as look after my 2 children, 2 dogs as well as work. I feel like a single mum most days just with a man that sleeps in my bed every night.
he didn't put me down on the mortgage so if I leave I don't have any rights. We aren't married so no rights. I wanna leave but I feel trapped. I wanna leave but this life is all I know. I left a strict religion for him. I've never lived. I never experienced real life. So all my "adult" life I've just carried on trudging through life. Trying my best. Now my children are at an age where they are constantly pushing boundaries I say NO they do it anyway. I feel on my own with them and when they act out their dad tells me to sort it...even though he's actually in the same room as me.
I don't know what I'm trying to achieve with this post. Some advice..help.. someone to talk to.