Trying to understand trauma bonds after partner secretly messaged ex

[LuLu345678]

Hi

Does anyone know anything about trauma bonds?

I have been in a relationship for a year. My gf has been caught messaging an ex in secret for the last few weeks. They didn’t make any plans to meet up. This ex was on and off with her for two years, just before I met her. Sounds quite toxic and abusive. My gf cut contact when I found out. She said it’s like an addiction because of the trauma bond.

its hard to understand as I’ve luckily had relatively stable and healthy relationships. Why would you keep going back to someone who treats you awfully and just keeps you as an option on the side? really hurt by this. I love her and she says she loves me.

Im trying to learn about trauma bonds. I’m currently feeling like it is a big risk for me to stay in this relationship or be with her until she has broken this bond.

They have cut contact but they did go months without speaking throughout their relationship so this is normal for them. I’m going to be worried in a couple more months when the urge to contact her might creep back in again.

thanks for reading.

Trauma bonds are real but if i was you i would not want to be in a relationship with somebody texting their ex in this way.
They are obviously not ready for another relationship if they are not past the last one whatever terminology is used to descrobe it.

If she was that into you, she wouldn’t be still messaging an ex, especially as you’ve been together a whole year. She’s not faithful and probably won’t change. She can blame it on a trauma bond or whatever else can justify it but ultimately, she’s still messaging her ex! That’s cheating, regardless of what she calls it.

Is she doing anything about the trauma bond, like therapy, the Freedom Programme or self-help? Or is she just indulging and feeding it?

Honestly I wouldn't hang around to be in a drama triangle like this.