Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he in the wrong?

48 replies

Pippa1979 · 28/07/2026 07:49

Im 47F, hes 46M. We have been on and off for 18 months. He went through a nasty divorce after she cheated, then moved the guy in. Hes had some mental health stuff since and been hot and cold as a result.

We booked a Barcelona trip, he had a wobble so I had to draft a friend in to go instead and pay a name transfer fee. It was the same amount he had already paid for the trip. He wanted his money back.
We then booked 2 april gig tickets, which I paid for. He bought us 2 august gig tickets of the same value.
We went for our anniversary trip, he had another wobble and we split. I had to draft a friend on for the april gig. The friend didnt like the band so I just gave him the ticket so I didn't have to go alone.

Now the august gig is coming up he told me he still has a spare for it. His friends are already going to that gig, so he wont be alone.
I said how much. He said £60. I said I cant afford that. He said ok I will sell it. He said you should have gone to the other gig alone and sold my ticket. I said it wouldnt have been safe walking through those streets alone. He said I would have. He also said months ago he went to a u2 gig alone and felt sad. But doesn't seem to get.

I just treated him to a birthday meal, drove him to a gig so he could drink and bought him a ukelele. We went to the beach on his birthday. For my birthday in may we were split, so I went to the beach alone. Feels like I lose out every time.

Do i raise it with him? Do i pay for the ticket. It feels like Im being a doormat doing so

OP posts:
Enrichetta · 28/07/2026 08:26

I think you need to work on your boundaries, @Pippa1979 - and your self esteem.

Bigtrapeze · 28/07/2026 08:27

OP, stop giving this man your money and your time. He sounds like no fun and penny pinching to boot. You deserve love, not someone in constant pursuit of a refund. Tell him to sell the ukulele if he's short of cash and exit stage right. You deserve so, so much better than this.

Firefly100 · 28/07/2026 08:27

I’d have dumped him after Barcelona.
He already has this ticket, purchased it for you and you are back together yet expects you to pay for it. The answer is ‘no, I won’t pay you for the ticket’. Let him sell it if he wants. Selfish bastard.
You are only 18 months in and honestly, he has shown he doesn’t care about you multiple times. I genuinely don’t understand why you stay.
He will continue to take advantage of you and treat you poorly as long as you remain together. If you do stay (why?), purchase nothing unless he pays you his share upfront.

Timble · 28/07/2026 08:55

Life is too short OP! I know it can feel nice to be on a relationship and share experiences with someone but he’s not the one to do that with. He’s tight, miserly and a waste of your time! 18 months into a relationship should be filled with happiness and excitement not stress and worry. Throw this one back and work on your self esteem. I don’t think I’m anything special but I know I’m good enough and wouldn’t accept what he’s offering. You deserve more!

BCBird · 28/07/2026 08:58

This is a waste of your time and energy

orangehandles · 28/07/2026 09:31

Just dump him. Life is to short for this level of shit.

OneKhakiFish · 28/07/2026 10:28

@Pippa1979 "Do i raise it with him? Do i pay for the ticket. It feels like Im being a doormat doing so"

You walk away, live your best life without him!

BillieWiper · 28/07/2026 10:37

Tell him to sod off and you don't owe him shit.

Why do you accept him constantly chucking you, then you let him pick you back up again and the cycle continues?

He already knows you're acting like a doormat but that can end right now.

Brightbluesomething · 28/07/2026 11:06

Wow, I can’t believe you’re considering giving this man money after how he’s treated you.
Block him and move on or he’ll keep you dangling on a string whenever he wants to send you the tiniest breadcrumb, which you seem to accept. This is not normal or healthy.

disturbia · 28/07/2026 18:10

Pippa1979 · 28/07/2026 07:49

Im 47F, hes 46M. We have been on and off for 18 months. He went through a nasty divorce after she cheated, then moved the guy in. Hes had some mental health stuff since and been hot and cold as a result.

We booked a Barcelona trip, he had a wobble so I had to draft a friend in to go instead and pay a name transfer fee. It was the same amount he had already paid for the trip. He wanted his money back.
We then booked 2 april gig tickets, which I paid for. He bought us 2 august gig tickets of the same value.
We went for our anniversary trip, he had another wobble and we split. I had to draft a friend on for the april gig. The friend didnt like the band so I just gave him the ticket so I didn't have to go alone.

Now the august gig is coming up he told me he still has a spare for it. His friends are already going to that gig, so he wont be alone.
I said how much. He said £60. I said I cant afford that. He said ok I will sell it. He said you should have gone to the other gig alone and sold my ticket. I said it wouldnt have been safe walking through those streets alone. He said I would have. He also said months ago he went to a u2 gig alone and felt sad. But doesn't seem to get.

I just treated him to a birthday meal, drove him to a gig so he could drink and bought him a ukelele. We went to the beach on his birthday. For my birthday in may we were split, so I went to the beach alone. Feels like I lose out every time.

Do i raise it with him? Do i pay for the ticket. It feels like Im being a doormat doing so

Sorry but as the old saying goes "he is not that into you and you are on the begging end" Don't pay for the ticket

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/07/2026 18:13

Oh op. See the dead horse over there? You’re flogging it. Get out, block, delete, and don’t pay the flaky man-child any money! Time to work on your self esteem?

Nousernameideaaga · 28/07/2026 18:16

God. Just tell him to knob off and let him cry about his £60.

Lilolily · 28/07/2026 18:17

He doesn’t have a spare ticket he has YOUR ticket. He bought it FOR you, just like you bought the one in April for him. Wanting you to buy it? Cheeky twat!
he’s a waste of space. Get rid.

Arlanymor · 28/07/2026 18:17

The man has more wobbles than a plate of jelly - chuck him back in the sea, it's the least he deserves given that he seems to like chucking you away on a regular basis. Get rid - your life and your wallet will be much happier.

Gardenisablooming · 28/07/2026 18:19

Just block him ffs.

Lugol · 28/07/2026 18:21

Tell him to stick his ticket up his arse.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 28/07/2026 18:21

Ye gods but he sounds deeply unattractive in every way

Tell him to fuck.off and then block him

LejlaKapovic · 28/07/2026 18:23

Do i raise it with him?
No, you simply dump him. He sounds totally unreliable, thoughtless, ungenerous, weird and really emotionally unstable. What exactly makes him "wobble"? So unattractive when a grown man acts like this.

Do i pay for the ticket.
Nope. Not a penny should he get.

It feels like Im being a doormat
That's because you ARE being a doormat!

Sassylovesbooks · 28/07/2026 18:25

All this drama for a relatively short-term relationship! You've split twice (I think!) within those 18 months. What does that tell you? The relationship isn't working, and it's time to call it a day.

He's not ready to be in a relationship, and he shouldn't be in one. He can't give you what you need or want from the relationship. It's going absolutely nowhere.

Tell him to keep his ticket. End the relationship. Block and put it all down to experience. A relationship of 18 months, shouldn't be this much hard work and causing so much stress/drama.

Banoffeemuffin · 28/07/2026 18:29

He sounds like a total head melt and you never know where you are with him, you can definitely do better than this, I would bin him off

Likeiloveyou · 28/07/2026 18:30

Tell him to fuck off then block him.

ClaredeBear · 28/07/2026 18:36

Pippa1979 · 28/07/2026 08:07

He wants me to pay for the august ticket as he didnt go to the april gig after splitting up with me

This guy will always be mean af. A really horrible trait. You’re wasting a lot of time here, not to mention money.

Bonkers1966 · 28/07/2026 18:42

Stop paying for stuff. Ridiculous.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread