Basic info: female, same sex relationship.
Long distance, I'm west Wales. She's West Midlands, so not major distance. Dating around 14 months.
She is a divorcee, previously married for 21 years. 4 sons.
Im divorced with one daughter.
I'm only her 2nd girlfriend, ive had a lot more over a much longer period of time.
Her first GF was quite verbally abusive/manipulative and this has been backed up by her friends and family.
The first GF had 2 young children who DP became quite attached to, naturally.
Their relationship was very turbulent, apparently her ex would break up with her weekly. After 2 years of this constant back and forth, dp left her. Me and dp met 2 months later. So this already concerns me because I know there wasn't much time between us. She was very open about everything. She said she had been done with her a little while and only stayed longer as her ex had broken her leg or something, and she felt bad so stayed and helped with kids.
Dp spoke openly about missing her children, feeling bad that essentially, she had just disappeared from their lives without a goodbye.
After one of our first mini trips away, her ex apparently messaged and asked if she wanted to visit the kids and arrange ongoing contact (dp wanted to continue contact with them and asked how I felt about this). So she went there straight after our trip.
I did explain that this made me feel a but sad but it was a me problem as opposed to a Her problem.
Im worried about the situation, im worried I may be the rebound, even tho she said she wanted to leave. She admits to asking their mutual friend about her sometimes "just being nosey", then recently unblocked her from Facebook as "there were no longer any hard feelings and just want to move on with no awkwardness". Her best friend is distance related to her ex, and posted a photo of her ex on her social media over the weekend. I noticed a little shift in dp, I think she was dying to ask friend about it.
Im annoyed with how im feeling (insecure), because dp is such a sweet, warm, loving and honest person. She shows me so much love amd talks about our future all the time. But I have this niggling doubt.
Am I overthinking or is this my gut feeling? She doesn't get defensive when I ask about the ex, she has open discussions. Im starting to wonder if im not ready for a relationship (I ended a 12 year relationship 8 months before I met her)
Suppose it doesn't help that her ex is much slimmer and attractive than me