I don't know if I'm overthinking this or if my MIL has got into my head

[Sofiaalbada]

I'm in my mid 30s, married for 5 years and we have two children. My husband and I have been together since we were teenagers and we share the same group of friends. I've known most of them since school and genuinely see them as family. I trust them completely and my husband does too.

My husband has a very demanding, high paying job so he often can't come on trips or weekends away. I work in fashion retail so my job is quite social and creative and I travel fairly often.

Every few months I'll go away with our friendship group, men and women together. If my husband can't make it I still go. I also have the occasional girls' night, maybe once a month. Apart from that my life is work, my husband and my kids. They are my whole world.

This is the part I'm nervous about writing because I know how it sounds.

If we're on a quiet beach with nobody around I've been topless in front of my male friends. I honestly don't think anything of it because I've known these men for most of my life. They're like siblings to me and they've never made me feel uncomfortable. They're also my husband's friends and he's never had an issue with it. He's always trusted me and has never suggested I stop.

Last weekend I went to a music festival with the same group and stayed overnight because it was in another city.

My mother in law found out and was furious. She said I'm disrespecting my husband and warned me that this sort of behaviour could ruin my marriage.

I ended up crying because now I'm questioning myself. My husband hasn't said any of this. He's never accused me of being inappropriate and he's never asked me to stop seeing my friends.

he doesn't care = she can fuck off

If you havr a long standing relationship as a group, including your dh, and everyone, including your dh, is happy with how it works, why on earth would the opinion of some other person impact you?

Ask your dh to tell his mother to butt out.

Nothing to overthink. Ignore the fun sponge woman

What has she found out about? You going to a music festival with them? Or the topless sunbathing? How did she find out and what did your husband say?

Who has the kids whilst you’re away every few months without DH?

She heard from My SIL, yeah everything

Usually when I go to Trip with DH, My mom dad take our kid's or my sister

If your husband doesn’t mind, then that’s fine.

is the issue that you go away with your friends, or that you are topless? If it’s topless, then maybe I could see why see feels a bit unhappy at that, but going away shouldn’t be a problem, and is not disrespectful to do this.

Honestly I would just ignore the comment. You and your DH know the relationship you have with these friends, your MIL does not. As long as both you and DH are happy with the way things are, which it sounds like you both are, carry on doing what you’re doing.

Well its absolutely none of her or your SILs business. I'd put them on an information diet and step back. As for making you cry. Outrageous. Don't give her that opportunity again.

You are not being unreasonable but I’d speak to my husband to double check he is still ok about it all just in case. If so, crack on, if not I’d ask him why you have heard this down the grapevine instead of from him

Everything. She finds it's wrong

How did your MIL communicate her furiousness?

Id probably check in with my DH that he doesn’t feel disrespected and is pretending he doesn’t. But beyond that I’d ignore it completely. A beach is an appropriate place to be topless. Life long friends can be men or women. Trust is a feeling not just behaviour.

so do you go topless in front of kids? If not what’s the problem. Saying that I never understood why you would want brown boobs

If she has only just found out you sunbathe topless Infront of male friends I would probably give her some slack on her reaction. I'd say it's unusual (I am NOT saying wrong) and maybe it worries her because she doesn't want anything to cause an issue in your marriage.

If after your husband saying he's not bothered and a little time she is still having a go, that's different.

Oh what’s wrong with brown boobs?

I think it’s quite unusual these days to do topless sunbathing, not sure why but I rarely see it compared to the eighties.

Anyway, it’s none of MILs business. How do you know she’s outraged? Who contacted you and what was said?

Agree it is rare, I think because of phone cameras, but your choice and no one else's business.

lol I often swim topless with male and female friends with or without DP- I often just get in the water without having planned it, especially rivers.
if you feel comfortable and so does your DH then your MIL can do one.

My friend's MIL couldn't help but call any solo outings my friend had 'gallivanting' as in "I couldn't have gone gallivanting in my day the way you do".
It was a bit of bafflement and a bit of jealousy.

Did your husband not correct her? He just needs to tell her he is happy for you to be topless around the men and to stay overnight with them, so her comments aren't required again.

I’m not judging but is topless sunbathing still a thing?

Exactly! Some people just like a tan. I don’t see why having brown boobs is weirder than wanting a brown back or stomach. I don’t expose my stomach when wearing clothes out and about, but I still like the look of it for me (yes, I know a tan is skin damage and I always wear F50). I think topless sunbathing is just as popular/unpopular as it always was.

But, back to the subject, I’m not sure why they know all this stuff? Neither me nor my husband would bother to talk about how many clothes we were wearing on the beach. We would probably mention if one of us had a lovely night away with friends, but I don’t know how that’s contentious in the slightest?

I was born in the 80s and grew up in the 90s and saw more topless sunbathers this holiday than I ever had growing up (and I grew up in France and the south coast of the UK where there are loads of semi-nudist beaches!).

Absolutely unwarranted intervention from MIL. Grey rock with her and SIL going forward. No need to pass comment on anyone else’s marriage.

If your husband is ok with it, then all good. I thought topless sunbathing had sort of stopped years ago though. 😉

Bet she wouldn't say it if he was the one travelling with friends and you were at home.