Contemplating separate bedrooms

[supersop60]

To those of you who have separate bedrooms - did you discuss it before hand, or did it happen organically? Has it had an effect on your relationship?
Recently I've been sleeping in my son's old room because we were looking after another dog (DP had our dog, and I had visitor dog at night). Our dog has always slept in our daughter's room, but she's now practically moved out, so the dog likes being with us. There is no room for three, and I'm thinking we'd all sleep better if we were separate.
We did it for 15 months during Covid, but then I was on a camp bed in the office, and we knew it would be temporary.
DP and I have been more like housemates for a few years, and I'm just wondering if this would be the death knell or the saviour of our relationship.

If you are both happy being housemates and having a more friend based marriage then I don’t see a problem.

If one or both of you want more then it will probably be the death knell.

I assume you don’t have much intimacy given what you have said?

No we don’t. It all went south after he had an emotional affair. I posted on here about it some years ago. We get on, no rows etc, just no cuddles either.

Are you 25 or 70? Depends what you both think

Separate bedrooms is bliss!

I sleep in a separate room. Now we both get plenty of sleep and arent tired and mad all the time we are fun together again. We still cuddle in bed, we still have sex. We dont spend all night waking each other up.

It depends on what your ultimate goal is. You speak of a death knell, so do you desire some future point where you two become close again? If you do, I'd still share a bed with him and buy a dog bed to place in your bedroom. I don't know if the dog is used to sleeping on the bed. If so, the dog can be trained to sleep in a dog bed.

If your desire is that the marriage get closer, maybe consider marital counseling if you haven't, since apparently it's been a while since the emotional affair and one or both of you haven't the desire or ability to fix things. Were you staying until your grown child moved out and plan on divorcing? Or do neither of you speak of the future and are keeping your heads buried in the sand?

If you plan on divorcing or just forever living as pleasant roommates, then moving to another bedroom should be a good transition to either of those situations.

We've been in separate bedrooms for years due to DH insomnia & us being on somewhat different sleep patterns. Everyone copes with everything better when they're well-rested.

We’re in our 60s. Been together 27 years, not married.

This raises some big questions for me, and I’m not sure I’ve got the energy to address them right now..

Your husband agreed that it was ok to put you on the camp bed?
I think if this is true, you need to contemplate whether your relationship is actually ok.
It isn't ok to be put on a camp bed. It is truly appauling.

What a waste of a life.

I'm fitter than him and my back didn’t suffer like his would ( and has done in the past).
It also had a proper single mattress on it

Cheers.