Scared of what’s to come

[Ohifonlylifewaseasy]

I split with my abusive ex 2 years ago. We have a 6yo together.
our relationship was awful and the abuse has carried on since the split.
I hold my hands up and admit I’ve not made it any easier, giving in to his demands for an easier life.
I have been seeing someone for 3 months and I’ve never been happier, I finally feel in love and looked after for the first time in my life.
My ex thought I was seeing someone last year and lost his mind, stalking me and harassing me, threatening to say and do anything to take my son away as punishment.
I am terrified that when he finds out about my new man this will all start again. I can’t afford court fees. He has told me repeatedly that if I meet someone he won’t stop until he ruins my life.
I finally told my bf about it all last night and he was shocked, I feel guilty about not telling him sooner but I didn’t want to ruin what we have. He has said he’s not going anywhere but I’m scared that if the campaign of abuse stares up again he will take off.
Has anyone successfully had a decent relationship after abuse?

You have reported hus threats to the Police?
You reported the stalking and harassment last year?

If not - why on earth not?

Police.

There are so many reasons why women don't report abuse to the police. I only reported last year, more than ten years after the abusive relationship. Just some of the reasons for OP might include fear of retribution, lack of faith that reporting will have any consequences for her ex, feeling brave enough to actually call and talk through everything with someone else. In my case my ex was also incredibly skilled at co-ercive control and gaslighting, so though a part of my brain knew his behaviour was abusive and wrong, I also believed what he was repeatedly telling me - that I was "mental" and no one would believe me.

I understand why people hold the "why on earth don't people report?" mentality but it's still bloody depressing to read. I hope the above gives a different perspective to anyone who thinks like this.

Exactly this. I know what he does is abuse. I know that, I also that his threats are mostly a scare tactic but after nearly 10 years of manipulation, threats and coercive control I am also scared that he will do whatever he can to ruin my life. I know him.

i reported him to the police last year and have an open case about it. Stupidly I asked them not to approach him unless he did anything else- hard to understand to most I get it, but to me reporting it was the scariest thing I’ve ever done

I get it @Ohifonlylifewaseasy x

I think I'd probably want to get it out in the open and tell him yourself. If he hears about it from your son or some other way, that's likely to provoke a more extreme reaction. If you're the one to tell him, it will show him that you are in control. You don't have to make a big deal of it, just an 'I thought you should know that I'm in a relationship, as son may mention it' and refuse to be drawn into any other discussion about it. If he starts with abuse and threats, report it immediately to the police and this time follow through. Abusers are bullies and if you've appeased him in the past for the sake of a quiet life then he probably thinks he can do what he likes. Be prepared to speak to police, social services and go to court in order to protect yourself and your child if necessary. You are strong, you left him and you have found happiness again, you can do this.

Make sure your home is secure and you have a ring doorbell. Save copies of any abusive communications. Ask your boyfriend to stay over if you're worried. Tell friends and family so that they can support you.

Abuse thrives in the shadows as many people feel shame and embarrassment that this is happening to them. Bring it out into the light and he loses his power. Wishing you the best OP 💐