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Original poster

Boyfriend kissed another girl drunk…do I forgive him?

55 replies

BreezyOlivePanda · 22/07/2026 20:58

Myself (f26) and my boyfriend (m25) have been together for 6 years, we are each others best friends, and are so compatible.

We have had a wonderful relationship, he is a really stand up guy, and a really great person. We have no doubts about spending a future with each other. We have been in a bit of a rough spot lately, stressing a fair amount over the past month about some differences in communication. He’s a more reserved guy, and sometimes I like a bit more reassurance. I’ve communicated to him that I’d like him to be a bit more communicative generally and he has been really receptive, but there’s been some emotional distance and we have been going through conversations about whether the relationship is right for us at this time.

We have both said that we want it to work, but it’s been a really tough month, arguably the hardest period in our relationship.

During that month, he got completely drunk, and ended up flirting with and subsequently having a brief song with a girl he bumped into that he knew from years ago. He then walked away, regretted it entirely (he says), went to find his friend that he had gotten separated from and they went home. Nothing further happened and nothing has happened since between them (no contact or anything).

We then had some more conversations and decided that the relationship was worth fighting for and that we would bridge the gap in communication together. We had 2 fantastic weeks of connection and intimacy in the bedroom completely reignited, as we hadn’t had much for a few months in a stressful period.

Only issue is, I found out becuase I was looking through his WhatsApp for a confirmation code for something we were trying to book, and I happened to scroll too far down and saw that a chat had been muted. I got suspicious, clicked on and saw he had exchanged a handful (maybe 6 in total) messages with this girl where she was flirting with him, and he was flirting back.

my world ended. We had a huge fight (he was very very remorseful) and I said that I needed space, and haven’t spoken to him in 2 weeks. We are talking Saturday, he’s been quite reserved on the few messages we have exchanged (I think to give me space) and ultimately we will work through the issues and decide if we should continue.

I am unsure as to whether I could forgive him. The kiss itself is sort of crap but I would move past that, however it’s the not being up front about it to me. I truly believe that he would never do this again, and that this is completely uncharacteristic of him, but I would worry about taking him back and having it happen again.

any advice? I’m obviously hugely in love with him and picture a future with him…

OP posts:
Badbadbunny · 23/07/2026 08:16

IronEverything · 22/07/2026 21:16

He's got you brainwashed. Of course things were great for 2 weeks afterwards, he was on his best behaviour. He is a bog standard manipulative cheater.

Nail on the head!

Newforspring · 23/07/2026 08:24

I am years on from this era but still remember that so many ‘forever’ couples who were thinking about marriage etc, broke up between 25-29. It’s very much a thing for SOME not all couples, probably because deep down inside one of them was questioning whether it was right.

I distinctly remember a couple of young women who had been very happy and settled with their relationships and a bit oblivious to the signs, very engrossed in thinking about buying houses, weddings, settling down (all very valid) whose absolute worlds crashed down when they split up (one in very similar circs to yours where the guy went on to marry his flirting partner which obviously was gutting for his ex).

So my advice for you is, while you figure it out, think NOW about what your life, your goals, your dreams might look like if you were on your own. How would your life change, who would you socialise with, what would your dreams be? Try to think about it enough that you don’t get blindsided if this doesn’t work out. Because it doesn’t always.

SuddenLull · 23/07/2026 08:34

You have a serious case of cognitive dissonance, OP. You claim he’s wonderful, a ‘stand up’, guy, your best friend, totally compatible, that neither of you has any doubts about a joint future etc . Then you also describe a man who is a poor communicator, emotionally distant and reserved, you acknowledge that you’ve had a ‘rough patch’ of several months where you seriously contemplated ending things because it wasn’t working, and that’s even before we get into his drunken snog session, trying to cover up the fact that it seems to have been more than that, and his ‘reserved’ communication since.

Wouldn’t it be easier to strip away the positive rhetoric and admit this is a fairly troubled relationship with a poor communicator whose method of dealing with stress in the relationship is snogging someone else? You’re barely in your mid-20s, and you’ve been wasting your time for six years! Move on! Have some fun!

Brooklyn70 · 23/07/2026 08:40

leave him and enjoy your life. he betrayed you in three different ways. the flirting, the kiss and the lie.

if only i could go back to my 20s, oh, how I would try to have fun and learn to love and value myself above all.

noname24 · 23/07/2026 08:46

Replace ‘reserved’ with ‘emotionally unavailable’ and re-read your message that way.

Then imagine your best friends boyfriend snogged someone else and has been sending flirty messages to another woman.

And then listen to what your body is saying to do.

Dery · 23/07/2026 08:53

Yes, i think you could move beyond this but I agree with @VanessaFence. You got together young. Some teen relationships stay the distance but many don’t. From what you describe, it sounds like some of the friction is arising because - after 6 years - there are some natural next steps: are you going to live together? Get married? Have children? Ie (potentially) are you going to lock in for the next several decades? It sounds as if he is instinctively pulling back from that.

It’s hard. But i understand the desire to have some freedom in your 20s to experiment a bit with relationships and see what works best for you. I met DH at 29 and felt much more ready to settle down then.

I have some good friends who got together a bit younger than you. They had 3 good years but then split because it was too much, too young. They went their separate ways completely (and this was before social media) but then reunited about 5 years later and have now been married for decades.

it also sounds like there’s an awful lot of pressure on the relationship. You say he’s your best friend and you talk about the world having ended because of what you discovered. It may be that you have plenty of friends outside the relationship and see them regularly, but if not it could be that you’re putting too many eggs in one basket and would benefit from widening your social circle.

Thinking of you, OP. This is a very painful situation and will need to be carefully worked through. But if it is the end of the relationship, you will get to a good place without him even if you can’t imagine it now.

OldrNWisr · 23/07/2026 08:53

You are so young, you don’t have to cling on to someone who has let you down so badly just because you’ve never known any different. Cracks now will turn into chasms as life inevitably piles the pressure on. He hasn’t told you the whole truth, he never will and you will always wonder what really happened. Don’t do this to yourself. Choose yourself and tell him to go.

RiotNotDiet · 23/07/2026 08:54

He is not a ‘stand up guy’. Do not take him back. He’s betrayed you with the kiss and continued with the messages. You are worth more

PersephoneParlormaid · 23/07/2026 08:57

He’s a liar and a cheater, you will never fully trust him again, and that’s not good for your relationship in the future, not something to bring children into.

rightformyboots · 23/07/2026 08:59

ugh.

The relationships has run it's course.

You must be quite young still?

Best to dump him and start your life. Sometimes we are too enmeshed to see the obvious. 6 years is a long time, by the time you get married and have kids the magic and romance will be all gone anyway and he will be off cheating and finding New Romantic opportunities.

Cut him loose.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 23/07/2026 09:01

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 22/07/2026 20:59

You can do better.

You deserve better.

You already know this.

This and if you forgive him it only gives him the green light to do it again as he’ll think he can walk all over you - do yourself a favour and walk away from him

MyPurpleHeart · 23/07/2026 09:15

Whats the phrase, a drunk mouth speaks a sober mind?

Alcohol doesn't make you do things you wouldn't normally do, it just takes away your inhibitions about it.

Don't look back in 20 years and see that you accepted mediocrity just because you get on well.

You are the master of your own destiny OP, dont fuck it up.

OriginalSkang · 23/07/2026 09:19

Obviously don't forgive him. The stuff in your post about him being a stand up guy etc... its nonsense! What does someone have to do to you to make you see that they aren't a really great person? He's cheated on you and lied to your face about it

If you forgive him you are asking him to hurt you again

Open your eyes!

MageKing · 23/07/2026 09:27

I also suspect this relationship has just run its course. And the snig and the flirting is less about him.being a cheater and more about him knowing that on some level. Theres a reason few teenage relationships genuinely do carry over into successful long term relationships. I have only one friend who managed this and I truly believe its because they were long distance for 6 years while first him then her went to uni. It allowed them to have that independence and partying separate from each other before they actually settled down.

FlapperFlamingo · 23/07/2026 13:09

It's not the relationship you think it is - sorry to be blunt. Move on with your dignity in tact and enjoy your life without him. I guarantee if you don't you'll be wondering what he's doing when he goes out by himself, you'll ask for assurances again, he'll get fed up with that.... a whole cycle starts again. My advice would be move on and live your life free of him.

MMUmum · 23/07/2026 18:15

BreezyOlivePanda · 22/07/2026 20:58

Myself (f26) and my boyfriend (m25) have been together for 6 years, we are each others best friends, and are so compatible.

We have had a wonderful relationship, he is a really stand up guy, and a really great person. We have no doubts about spending a future with each other. We have been in a bit of a rough spot lately, stressing a fair amount over the past month about some differences in communication. He’s a more reserved guy, and sometimes I like a bit more reassurance. I’ve communicated to him that I’d like him to be a bit more communicative generally and he has been really receptive, but there’s been some emotional distance and we have been going through conversations about whether the relationship is right for us at this time.

We have both said that we want it to work, but it’s been a really tough month, arguably the hardest period in our relationship.

During that month, he got completely drunk, and ended up flirting with and subsequently having a brief song with a girl he bumped into that he knew from years ago. He then walked away, regretted it entirely (he says), went to find his friend that he had gotten separated from and they went home. Nothing further happened and nothing has happened since between them (no contact or anything).

We then had some more conversations and decided that the relationship was worth fighting for and that we would bridge the gap in communication together. We had 2 fantastic weeks of connection and intimacy in the bedroom completely reignited, as we hadn’t had much for a few months in a stressful period.

Only issue is, I found out becuase I was looking through his WhatsApp for a confirmation code for something we were trying to book, and I happened to scroll too far down and saw that a chat had been muted. I got suspicious, clicked on and saw he had exchanged a handful (maybe 6 in total) messages with this girl where she was flirting with him, and he was flirting back.

my world ended. We had a huge fight (he was very very remorseful) and I said that I needed space, and haven’t spoken to him in 2 weeks. We are talking Saturday, he’s been quite reserved on the few messages we have exchanged (I think to give me space) and ultimately we will work through the issues and decide if we should continue.

I am unsure as to whether I could forgive him. The kiss itself is sort of crap but I would move past that, however it’s the not being up front about it to me. I truly believe that he would never do this again, and that this is completely uncharacteristic of him, but I would worry about taking him back and having it happen again.

any advice? I’m obviously hugely in love with him and picture a future with him…

You are both young yet you are already in a relationship that sounds like it's a lot of hard work,maybe time for a break to see how you both really feel, maybe try some couples counselling.

GinaandGin · 23/07/2026 18:40

6 years together
Do you live together OP?
Any talk of engagement?

Laura95167 · 23/07/2026 18:53

You say hes great and you have no doubts..

Except 6 years in he isnt communicating, you feel the need for reassurance and you havent been having sex and discussed if you werent right for eachother now..

During this difficult time he snogged some lass he hid sneaky, flirty texts to?

  1. If its not working now why would it work forever?
  2. Do you really want to be with someone who when its difficult lies and cheats?

Hardly going to reassure you is it?

LilyBunch25 · 23/07/2026 18:54

Nope.

MachineBee · 23/07/2026 18:57

No. Throw this one back - there’s plenty more fish in the sea and you have plenty of time to land the best catch.

Duvetdayneeded · 23/07/2026 18:57

You’ve both changed so much and you’re probably both needing to change the relationship, especially him as he’s cheated. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Trust has gone. Relationship is doomed.

Sarahsduck · 23/07/2026 19:00

Nope - if you are unmarried, no children etc then why bother? Millions of men on the planet. If he’s sniffing about now what will he be doing post marriage when you have a crying baby and he feels ‘misunderstood and neglected’.

Cheatings what saddos do. It’s not cool and it’s not sexy. It’s seedy. Liars are not cool or good people.

What a twat!

Naurrr · 23/07/2026 19:03

Your frontal lobe has only just fully developed, the world is at your feet.
Forget the man and go and enjoy life and being young.

A relationship is solely for life enhancement and shouldn't be hard work at all.

inkgirl · 23/07/2026 19:04

Nope, i wouldn't be able to trust him again.

momager22 · 23/07/2026 19:12

Honestly you’ve got no chance of making it through marriage, babies, house purchases and moves and caring for elderly parents and deaths if he’s cheating you at this age.
Get rid.