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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Confused between a long distance connection and my current girlfriend

5 replies

Flyn · 22/07/2026 19:33

I don't usually do things like this but right now, I'm just confused and don't know what to do. I know this shouldn't be a big deal but i just need to get people's opinion on this.

So, the issue here started when i met Lady A. I've known her for a very long time and actually dated a bit but she had to go to another school miles away and apart, and the distance was becoming to tiring. At a point, she wanted me to meet someone else while we still together. I didn't plan to but accidentally met someone incredible. Long story short, it didn't end well and we broke up.. Lady A also broke up with me, but we remained friends from afar.

Years later, that friendship started to become a relationship but we ain't dating, just close and trying to imagine and build a life together. All this while we were still miles miles apart. I did want her but when I try to move to her current locale, something always comes up and she moves to another locale. It was hard to keep up. I NEVER and HAVEN'T asked her out yet.. was waiting until we finally meet once again before we move forward, but it never came. It's either she's moving or I move.

In the midst of all this, I met Lady B somewhat this time 2025. She is pretty and all that a guy will also want in a woman. I got to know her and we started as friends, eventually i got to ask her out, and we started dating. Which i got to realize that i might have done something i wasn't supposed to, because Lady A was still in the picture (though far far away), and we had plans for the future.

I made the decision to ask Lady B out because Lady A was applying for a scholarship to China and i also had plans to go join my bro at Poland.. which will make us be miles apart which i didn't really like but i can't hold her from making her decision. She even proposed one time that, if she eventually gets the China scholarship, I can come to China and she can also visit Poland.. and we could go home and get married, then she goes back to China. And when she's done, we can finally be together. But frankly, i don't see how that is really gonna work and it's sounds to long and stressful.

Another thing is that, Lady A and I hardly talk and all like people is a kinda of relationship. We hardly call, video call, text, but Lady B and I does that almost every day.

Lady B and I have be dating since last year. Lady B partially knows Lady A as a friend because i had Lady A with a remote job and do help and assist her with it but Lady A doesn't know anything about Lady B. Lady B and I ain't in the same locale at d moment because I'm attending a year program someplace else.

So now, Lady A called me yesterday and said she wants to discuss something with me and it has to do with us processing our visa together and traveling to the same country (the China scholarship stuff didn't go through.. failed)... Even before yesterday, I've been thinking of how to maybe end it but i don't know which of the ladies to end it with..

I'm confused and don't know how to stupidly navigate the issue i got myself into.. so, do you guys have any advice for me, please?

I have asked God to show me a sign like they do in movies but I don't think i will notice d sign 😄😄

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/07/2026 20:36

How old are you?
don’t cheat one anyone who cares about you. It can really ruin their life for years they will be too scared to find love again.

Bringemout · 22/07/2026 20:41

Cut it off with lady A, it was never really a relationship, but do it quickly and never ever talk to two women at the same time ever again. It’s dishonest and you are wasting someones time.

ScorpionLioness79 · 22/07/2026 22:01

You can never go wrong treating someone the way you'd like to be treated. If you wouldn't want a lady you're dating or emotionally involved with romantically, long distance or not, communicating romantically with another man, then you don't do anybody dirty like that.

I don't think you truly love either of them to hurt them in this manner. If that's what you think of as love and don't question your own poor ethics, you really need to be alone and learn to be a better person. Don't subject yourself to anyone unless you're upfront about what you're all about and let them decide if they are okay with you being emotionally unfaithful.

It's not fair for you to choose if you're going to keep the chosen one in the dark about what you've been doing. That would be you hiding secrets a woman has a right to know so SHE can decide to move on with you or not. If it were my friend, I'd say you were a bad risk to your heart.

I advise being alone to work on your maturity and ethics and empathy.

PoliteGreyDreamer · 22/07/2026 22:09

End it with both of them because they both deserve better and look up avoidant attachment.

orangehandles · 22/07/2026 22:25

You're not confused, you just want to have your cake and eat it.

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