My Husband Entered a New Relationship While We Were Still Married

[Zoya1982]

I really need some outside perspective because I feel completely blindsided.
My husband and I have been separated for years, but we are still legally married. As time went on, he started getting closer to me, and we began talking every day. Our conversations became a regular part of our lives, which made me believe we were rebuilding our relationship. Then, all of a sudden, his behavior changed. He became distant, reduced our communication, and pulled away without any explanation, leaving me confused and hurt..

Then everything changed suddenly. He posted a picture with another woman, and now he has announced that he is in a new relationship. What hurts me is not that he moved on. People are allowed to move on. What hurts me is the way he has chosen to present it, with wording that feels incredibly cruel and dismissive as if his previous marriage and the years we shared never existed. He has used phrases like: I feel like I have never been married before.
I feel like I have been erased.

The situation is even harder because it has been around three months and he has not contacted our two boys, yet he is publicly celebrating this new chapter of his life. Meanwhile, I feel like people who see his posts are looking at me and my children differently, in a pitiful way, making assumptions without knowing what actually happened behind the scenes.

I cannot understand how someone can accept so much kindness and support from a person for years, then move forward in a way that feels so cold and hurtful.

You were his attention/emotional free therapist

he is clearly emotionally stunted

get divorced and feel relief she’s taken him off your hands and you can move on

Get a divorce. This wasn’t a healthy relationship for either of you two. Time to move on with your life.

He is using those phrases because he thinks they will hurt you, so enthusiastically agree with him whilst mirroring his statements ie 'yes, I'm so excited for this new chapter in my life'. But he has done you a favour, you deserve better than this.

I can relate, OP. My ex announced that he felt like he had been 'reborn' when he met his new woman. I suppose the difference is that he is a twat and will always be a twat so she is welcome to him.

Obviously, no-one is all bad and you were taken in by the friendly side of your ex (or as PP have said he was using you) but look at the whole package... really, would you want someone like that back?

@MegMortimer Thank you for your message. He was indeed using me. How could someone be so cruel? I mean we have two boys which he has never posted a photo of them, yet you can clearly see him now acting like a teenager and posting non stop on Instagram.

He started getting closer to you because he needed what you gave. You gave and he took. This nasty creton is showing you what he really is, stupid sod, as if he’s likely to make a success of any relationship being who and what he is.

This individual is self motivated. There will come a time, (not now) but at some point, whereby you will feel relief to have him gone. To not spare time for his children highlights his worth. If this new woman dumps him, and let’s face it, he’s no catch, beware he doesn’t come knocking at yr door again looking for a shoulder to cry on. I wish you well, stay strong, “this as well shall pass”.

@Onthemaintrunkline Thank you love.

I can assure you that many many women looking on will not be aiming pity your way, rather the opposite. We've been there and seen it all before and we see these immature men for exactly what they are. They will be willing you strength and freedom.

There's a man on my social media who's turned into a father's for justice type of advocate. I see his posts and know exactly what his game is. I've never met his ex-wife but she has my respect and good will.

Meanwhile, I feel like people who see his posts are looking at me and my children differently, in a pitiful way, making assumptions without knowing what actually happened behind the scenes.

What anyone else thinks is on them not you. Don't even give it headspace

This, divorce him. Other people's thoughts are none of your business.

Be glad he’s not posting pictures of your DSs. It means they won’t have their images online and they aren’t being publicly drawn into his new fantasy life. I would make sure your boys know you are there for them, will answer their questions honestly and that they have a say in what type of relationship they have with their father.

I would definitely start divorce proceedings. Up till now you’ve kept open the door for your husband which may have given the boys the hope their parents will get back together (every child’s dream). Assuming the boys know about this new woman, they will be hurting as much as you and now need some certainty and comfort.

You are separated.
You should have got divorced.
Your lives are separate now, try not to think about what he's up to - get on with your own life.
It's not surprising people feel "reborn" after meeting a new partner.

People don't look kindly on those who abandon their children and disappear off into the sunset hand-in-hand with a shiny new woman.

Absolutely this! Orangehandles couldn’t have put it better! Yes there are those who will be feeling for you, possibly many, but pityingly - NO. Some will be uncertain as to what to say, how to comfort, they won’t want to hurt you further, but they will certainly have summed him up. Take heart even if support isn’t spoken, it is there!