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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Leaving an abusive marriage and wishing I had trusted the red flags

4 replies

CherryBerryBlossom · 20/07/2026 20:38

I don’t really know why I’m posting really….. maybe to have an outlet or maybe to remind myself how well I’m doing and how far I’ve come while asking people for advice of what I need to do next….. or just to ramble….

I’ve left my abusive husband and he’s being charged for coercive and controlling behaviours as well as some other charges but I don’t want to be too outing!
I left a couple of months ago after yet another assault and I’m not ever ever going back! Me and our children are safe and have a long road ahead- I am envisioning court battles and solicitors but I’m (kinda) ready.
Do you know though - the one thing I’m sure of is 10 years ago when we got married I knew then that I shouldn’t marry him and I still did it! I knew when we moved in together that it was wrong and he wasn’t a nice person and I felt the same when we bought our first house together and when we moved to our beautiful 6 bedroomed forever home I knew that wasn’t right either but yet I kept going these things! I know having regrets doesn’t change things but as a warning to other people who are just starting out - take note of the red flags and leave while you can!

OP posts:
Minasama · 20/07/2026 20:40

Thank you for posting this, it’s so important.

Wishing you the very best, congratulations on being out and safe…

IronEverything · 20/07/2026 20:43

Wishing you so much peace and joy now you're free OP.

Abusers have their ways of forcing you to do things you know you shouldn't do, don't blame yourself.

CherryBerryBlossom · 20/07/2026 21:06

Minasama · 20/07/2026 20:40

Thank you for posting this, it’s so important.

Wishing you the very best, congratulations on being out and safe…

Thank you - I will always wish I’d done it sooner and will feel forever guilty my children were witness to things they should never have witnessed and ultimately subject to the physical and emotional abuse I was. All I can do it support them going forward and if that I’m sure I will.

OP posts:
CherryBerryBlossom · 20/07/2026 21:08

IronEverything · 20/07/2026 20:43

Wishing you so much peace and joy now you're free OP.

Abusers have their ways of forcing you to do things you know you shouldn't do, don't blame yourself.

Thank you.
Yes they do and I think that’s something I need to keep reminding myself of. I can’t change the past but the future I sure can! And will!
I’ve completed a DVAP program and my children are shortly being seen by DVAP Children’s. Children’s social care are involved and have been really reassuring and supportive. I just wish I could fast forward a couple of years!

OP posts:
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