I've been with my partner for nearly 20 years, we are mid 30s and have 4 children age range 18 to 5. I feel a constant ache for more and to experience a connection with someone else, or just to feel at peace and not so stressed. Partner is selfish, he barely gives me any money, I'm lucky if he gives me £500 a month, I work part time he is a self employed builder so earns more than me. Although he does pay gor holidays and the odd takeaway when we have one but thats beside the point. I see to the children mostly, sort their things, appointments, he's never been to a parents evenings or school play/sports day, pick ups and drop offs is mostly me but he does if he's in the mood, most nights he goes to walk the dogs where he usually ends up at a quiet pub with his friends and I'm left to sort the washing up, the little one and pick my daughter up if shes been out with friends. When I go to work and am out the house for 13 hours I come home to barely anything done, he refuses to do any washing as he says hes not sorting through our dirty knickers, moams at me when i've not washed his work clothes, washing up is usually left, bathroom never cleaned, he says the elder children should do it, which I agree but so should he, and they will if they're told. He is emotionally unavailable, he's difficult to get a conversation out of him and has no sense of humour, I find I am not my true self with him as I feel stupid. Many many times over the years I have tried to talk to him about how I feel and tried to raise the issues I have but he doesnt listen, he becomes argumentative and turns things round on me and says I'm in a mood then we just go round in circles, we're fine for a bit then I get fed up and try to tell him his wrongs and how I feel etc but nothing works. I have no where to go so I cannot leave, no family only my grandparents and I certainly wouldnt mither them. I had a one night stand with someone we both know many years ago and he has never gotten over it, he cant understand why i did it, he was suicidal when he found out and still says now if he ever hears anything else he will kill himself and I feel he would feel this way if i did break it off completely and that worries me. He has his good points believe it or not, everyone I speak to say hes a good bloke, he's always been faithful, we do nice things together as a family, the sex is good and I've told him thats probably the only good thing going for us. I've had to have time off work due to stress and burnout with other things going on and couldn't cope with everything. I crave an emotional connection with someone else, I feel now I'm in my mid 30s I want to live and not waste my life feeling miserable and disrespected but I feel completely stuck and obviously dont know any different hence why I've put up with this for so long. Any advice/thoughts welcome, please be kind!