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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me not to ring him again

11 replies

pingponggonewrong · 19/07/2026 19:36

Dp came over last night. We were both ill and really, there was no point us meeting as we weren’t our best; were tired and sick.

Sat there when I started to talk about something that had upset me. Zero reaction to him; nothing; no feedback; no ‘that sounds tough’. I was taken aback. It felt like I’d be blanked when talking about an upsetting incident.

I told him I didn’t appreciate the utter lack of support, or even engagement in what I was saying and that he may as well leave. He did. I’ve texted him twice now and just rang him on his mobile. No replies. We were both as ill as each other but he was doing the typical ‘man flu’ behaviour. Staring into the far distance with a ‘pity me’ look on his face; blinking confusingly when I’d asked him a question as if he was too ill to process a basic ‘would you like a cup of tea’? Ffs, he has a virus, not dementia!

Part of me feels really still upset about his behaviour and the other, really pissed off.

I am tempted to phone him again to ask what the hell he’s playing at but at the same time think I should just leave him to wallow in his own self pity. and I think phoning him will bed him even further into thinking I’m the one in the wrong and he should deserve far more sympathy. At times I’m wavering.

Remind me why I should just leave him to it!

OP posts:
Inmyuggs · 19/07/2026 19:43

Why behave like this when tge main focus should be to stsy calm avoid drama and get better.
Poor buggers being tormented by your need to stir..
Get over yourself.

RiotNotDiet · 19/07/2026 20:19

He sounds pathetic. Why waste your breath? Use this energy to recover then when you are better, consider this relationship carefully.

TFImBackIn · 19/07/2026 20:30

Ugh I couldn't be doing with that at all! I certainly wouldn't contact him - I'd hate to think of him checking his phone to make sure you'd messaged and then him smirking and ignoring it. You've seen a very unattractive side to him - does the good side make this sort of nonsense worth it?

Lmnop22 · 19/07/2026 22:32

He will drag the argument out to watch the football no doubt.

Just stop chasing, he will soon come running when he realises he isn’t getting the response he usually gets to his sulking. This is his way of making you apologise and making you so grateful for contact when it comes that you forgive him his behaviour every time just to get him back and communicative again. It’s manipulation.

emptynestling · 19/07/2026 23:31

Me and my DP are both ill and I was going to go and see him yesterday then cancelled at the last minute for this exact reason.

in that, I was tetchy and he was withdrawn and I knew it would be a recipe for disaster.

when I cancelled he then tried to make out that I was being argumentative 🤣 when I’d literally said I’ll see you next week babe.

it’s like he was expecting the worst of me while I was expecting the worst of him.

honestly just leave it.

Mine would no way give me emotional support in the state he’s in either btw

emptynestling · 19/07/2026 23:35

I think the posters jumping to he’s being manipulative etc haven’t read the post properly.

The guy was sick, they both were so sick there was no point in meeting then the OP picked and argument and SENT HIM HOME.

Get your tetchy arse to bed, op, deal with it when you’re of sound mind.

OMGDidYouSayThat · 20/07/2026 00:18

Just don’t ring him, you didn’t like the way he behaved so ignore him, if he cares, make him show it by forcing him to make the next move.

Brightbluesomething · 20/07/2026 09:46

If you’re both ill and don’t live together there’s absolutely no point in arguing now. Wait until you’re both well then discuss whatever it was that upset you, if you still want to.
Neither of you were at your best, pick your battles.

palorina · 20/07/2026 10:46

Sounds like you both just started primary school holidays.

Get a grip, get well, start again. If you want to.

category12 · 20/07/2026 12:22

You threw him out. You should probably apologise.

HatStickBoots · 20/07/2026 13:29

Illness can make people irritable and you won’t be feeling your best. Once you’ve told your partner that he may as well go because he’s not supplying what you need or think you deserve and then follow that up with texts and calls in which you seem to want to continue berating him, I’d be surprised if he gladly replied or picked up. It seems very odd to me that you get annoyed when he is too ill to focus on you for the moment. Why do you dismiss his illness as a man-cold when you also admit that you are as ill as each other? He made the effort to go and spend time with you when some partners might just say they’d prefer to stay home until they’re better. A partnership should be equal with both your needs met. Appreciate the time and space apart to think about that.

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