Need to let go of past

[lovecocktails]

Hi, so I’m happily married almost 20 years. My husband is a good husband and father.
He is on a stag this weekend and my anxiety is high even though I know I’m unreasonable in my head I can’t help it I’m looking for advice as to what I can do to stop these feelings as lately I seem to be getting worse not sure is it because I’m aging and don’t feel good about myself or what.
so basically the day after my husband’s stag like 20 years ago he came home and I knew straight away something was of but couldn’t figure it out. Anyway after me basically questioning him, begging him he eventually told me our best mate cheated on his girlfriend on stag then he admitted he also kissed a girl for like 20 secs but nothing further when I got angry he said I should be thankful nothing else happened as all his friends were encouraging him to go further. He was a bit dismissive of my feelings saying it was only a kiss but like if your so in love and about to get married wtf u kissing other women. I found this hard as I thought some of them lads were also my friends and I was walking down the aisle in front of them in like 3 weeks it felt so humiliating to me.
anyway I forgave him and got married but I do admit I felt a little sad on wedding day and honeymoon I started feeling insecure.
life moved on, had kids, he has never done anything to make me question him since and is very loving but I notice when we are around good looking women I’m very insecure and hate myself for feeling this way.
i feel so ridiculous thinking about this 20 years later like I need to cop on. Has anyone any advice? I’m not sure if therapy would help me like I feel cos it’s so long ago I would look very stupid.

I am sorry you were sad on your wedding say and your honey moon. The way he minimised your feelings is not ok about him kissing someone. He says it’s only for 20 seconds but who know? That’s his side. He had to unload and get the guilt unloaded off him this could have been twisted. Have you ever noticed any other behaviour like this? Also re the good looking women around you you have to think of it like if he wants any of these women more than you then he is not worth it.

hi, thanks for reply.
i suppose i can never fully know i just had to take his word for it eventually but i did keep pushing for a while but he maintained it was just a kiss.
He hasn’t given me any reason to not trust him since and is a very good person, I just get paranoid when drink is involved but that’s on me it’s like I can never fully let go. I hate that there is likely a stripper this weekend I hate him looking at other women and so on but I know this is all my own insecurity and he hasn’t done anything wrong except on his stag.

You would 100 percent not look stupid going to see a therapist like you had said in your original post. It’s not surprising you are nervous of a weekend like this because of what he did on his own stag but anything he does on these stags is not a reflection of your worth beauty or anything else so please don’t think that it is .

A therapist could really help you talk it out actually and see that this is no reflection on you

A man can cheat at any time, those that are devoted, those that you would never suspect etc

Some go looking for it some just stumble upon it and the opportunity is there

What will be will be - but I wonder if they older and wiser they are the less likely they are to do anything? Who knows

But what I’m saying is worry about the things you can control and not the things you can’t

Trust him until you can’t