Why do they do this?

[Countingblessingg]

My girlfriends and I have been dating for some time and noticed men who come on very strongly, but then later freak out and cool it off by saying ‘no butterflies’ or ‘thunderbolts.’ Despite them being all over you and pursuing you for many many months?

Men who come in strong at first are giving you valuable information in the form of a red flag. Who cares why they do it? Just receive the information and move on from them.

They don't want a relationship, they want a shag.

Avoidant attachment maybe?

They are immature, emotionally unintelligent perhaps. They get a thrill from the heady early days of dating (who doesn't) but lose interest when that wanes and a real relationship, with less excitement but deeper connection, might begin. Or it could be they just enjoy the thrill of the chase and the woman they are chasing isn't really that important. That would explain why once they have caught her the butterflies go.

No one has ever said no butterflies or thunderbolts or anything similar to me in all my years of dating.

I got married in 2021- had the distinction of being the first wedding after the restrictions were lifted, 21 June 2021. my DH never said anything of the kind to me. I didn’t have to play any silly games or second guess his behaviour.

if you have to fuck about with mind games, give it up. The ones worth keeping don’t bother with that shit

It's the thrill of the chase. It's as old as time itself.

Because they want sex and will say anything to get it.

Some women can get intense super quickly which turns them off. This is the ones who weren’t just fishing for sex though.

I don’t get intense - they are until no butterflies 🙄 I find it so immature

Yep they like the thrill of the chase. They're not actually interested ina relationship.

Not something I’ve ever noticed, to be honest. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever in my life heard a man talking about ‘butterflies’ or ‘thunderbolts’. It’s genuinely only other women I’ve heard talking like that.

Ultimately people are allowed to dump someone for any reason they like. Nobody’s obliged to fancy anyone.

Are you quite young OP? It’s just you say you and your friends have been dating some time..sounds like you are not that old. We cant really answer for why every man who does this does this! Lots of women do it too Im sure!

That's kind of how dating works though?

You decide you like someone, you go out on a few dates with with them, and then in most cases something puts one of you off the other or you just don't feel a spark and so you call it quits and move onto the next person.