advice : I’m 38 have two children both neurodivergent one is 18 ( tomorrow ) one is 5 (next month ) I have tried and tried for years to hold together my relationship but I just don’t think I can anymore , I don’t feel any connection or love between us anymore . I have a disability and other health problems but always push on day after day , it’s been a hard year and had to deregister my youngest from school as his needs were not being met , I had him home for three months ( OH works 8-4:30 office job ) then he started at new school who have been amazing and supportive . I have been fighting the authority’s now for his IDP ( we are wales , England equiv of EHCP ) I am so drained physically and mentally from that and just general life and the care needs of both boys.youngest been diagnosed with an eating disorder a few weeks ago called ARFID and we spent a week in hospital until I asked for discharge because of the lack of support in there this has been so so hard and we have disagreed on every thing ( they wanted to fit NG Fred tube due to weight loss and dehydration but OH put his foot down and said no. he barely does anything round the house ( the washing up in the evening puts the bins out ) I’ve gone to the supermarket took little one as he wanted to come to get some last minute bits for big brothers birthday and come home to the house looking the same still there is so much to do here and I’ physically can’t do anymore this evening I feel like it’s Groundhog Day every day . It’s been a hard emotional week anyway and I’ve felt this way for a long time about us , he always says “ but we have a hard life “ whenever I bring up to him that I’m unhappy and that I don’t feel this relationship can carry on . WE being the issue is everything is on me , hospital appts , surgery’s with the boys which can end in long admissions , housework , food shopping, bill sorting , admin , school runs , meetings , daily emails for both boys ( of late has been heavy whilst trying to finalise youngest first draft ) alongside all the other daily things us mums do .
I’ve tried to persevere for so long with it but I think I’ve hit my end with it , have I given up ? Am I just burnt out ? Am I not in love with him anymore because there isn’t any time for US. The thought of separating is really scary not in regards to the above as nothing much will change but in regards to what happens with the house ( lived here 14 years and moving is not an option due to it being the boys safe place and their stability and routine ) we have a low mortgage of 525 a month it’s a large 4 bed and had extension etc etc built a few years ago to support eldest with having his own space here away from little one which is almost his own flat within the house over the one side .
I don’t particularly get on well with his family ( long story , his father is not the nicest and hasn’t been to my eldest since he met him 11 year ago as he is not partners biological child )and was told “ we don’t have children like that in our family “ when youngest was two months old after a horrific time and an awful pregnancy MIL talked him into the fact I was emotionally abusing him and we’ve never really recovered from that , I am a strong character I’ll admit but would never ever do that to him due to the boys and their SEN and disability’s it has hardened me massively but that just ruined me tbh and I’ve never gotten over it . I would hate having to let my son go on weekends etc , it worries me his family would push him to fight for custody of him because they’re that way , that said I have never stopped him having contact with my son ( he takes him once a week ) .
any advice ? Words of wisdom from anyone who’s been in a similar situation ? Do I just carry on sucking it up because the alternative is the above which is just such a big mess 🤷♀️so maybe just best to carry on as we are .?