Childcare arrangements after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship

[Finallyescaping]

I’ve finally (nearly) escaped an emotionally and financially abusive relationship. Our daughter is a toddler. How would you go about childcare agreements? Is it worth going to mediation if there’s emotional abuse?

If he is that bothered about his child he can see her in a contact centre. I would not undertake any form
of informal arrangement re child access.

He needs to stay away from both of you. He remains just as abusive as he was when you were with him. He has not changed.

My guess is that he is also not paying any maintenance for his child.

You are not safe enough to undergo mediation with him. He could also try and use your child ad a further means of getting back at you as punishment for leaving him, he in his head thinks he is the most prefect of specimens. Do contact Womens Aid for further advice and support.

Thank you @AttilaTheMeerkat I’ve applied for CMS so I’m waiting to hear back (dd and I will be leaving the house soon and he knows). I’m worried he’ll be fine initially with the agreement but then turn vindictive and try and change what we’ve informally agreed (dd living with me). Just to cause extra stress.

Speaking from personal experience mediation didn't help when emotional abuse was involved. If I can offer any advice it would be to get a court ordered contact order in place ASAP. I didn't for a while and he would pick up and drop off when he pleased (even more so if he knew I had plans) and it only added to my anxiety and was unfair on the children. Make sure all holidays and birthdays have an order in place and also times and location for drop off and pick up (I would pick a neutral drop off point so he isn't coming to your home). Also one more bit of advice, don't respond to any communication that isn't needed ie if he calls you a bad Mum you don't even need to say anything to that. Only respond about necessary things like appts for children or whatever. And if you are ever tempted to go off on him if he is particularly manipulative or nasty imagine everything you write being read in court, or every interaction filmed and being played in court. If you wouldn't be happy with others seeing or hearing it don't do it

I don’t really want to do mediation but I need something in writing. Did you make this legally binding?

Nothing but CAO is legally binding but even then they can not stick to it etc.