Sorry it’s a long one….. but I just looked up relationship counselling (for myself!) and the cheapest I could find was £99 an hour which is unfortunately out of my price range so I feel a little stuck.
We’ve been together 5 years, he is my first really serious relationship where we have lived together, the only man I’ve ever gone on holiday with and we are really enmeshed into each others lives. I have a 14 year old, he has an 7, 12 and 13 year old. We moved into together in September 2025.
My partner is diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, he’s really wonderful, but his moods are just terrible. He’s really really easily irritated - I think this has gotten worse since he’s been on ADHD meds, but before he was on the meds we were on the cusp of splitting due to how dysregulated he would get. Now, he just gets so irritated. I just have to say one thing which gets on his nerves and he’s pissy for ages, sometimes I can’t deal with it and it makes me feel like I’d rather just be single and wouldn’t have to deal with it. We don’t have sex, we just kind of live together. We always so I love you ect and have the occasional cuddle but the feelings just aren’t there anymore. I also wonder if this is what long term relationships are like? You don’t get along amazingly, occasionally you do but mostly not, and this is just mundane relationship life that I would have with anyone? I’m not saying things are always terrible.
This is my problem.
We live in a fairly expensive area, e.g. a 2 bedroom house to rent is around £1500. We are currently a fair drive from his children because their area is even more expensive, I don’t think moving further is possible. He works full time and does overtime in a fairly good job, with overtime he takes home about 2600. But this isn’t enough to pay rent on a minimum of a 2 bed, pay his child maintencd (about £420 per month) and pay for everything else. When he first left his ex, he moved in with his mum who has sadly passed so this is no longer an option. I know it’s not my problem per se, but how can I end our relationship knowing him and his children have basically nowhere to live??? And all 3 children in one room, forever? He can’t do anymore overtime because he has his shifts set to when he’s not with them and looks after the kids the remainder of the time. I wouldn’t say he can’t easily gain a promotion or similar. I feel suffocated and trapped, I don’t feel that I can cope with the feelings of guilt, but I’m only 34 and I can’t imagine feeling like this forever.