Family funeral - would you go?

[nonomo]

My aunt (Mums Sister) recently passed away. I don’t know her and haven’t seen her since I was 6 (I’m now 36). We are one of those families who are not close at all.

Anyway, the funeral would take me about 2 hours to drive to. I have a 7 month old who would have to come with me as she’s breastfed. I just can’t see how that’s going to work. She will obviously kick off mid funeral, kick off during the wake, then 2 hours there and back in a car is quite a long time. I also just don’t want to go because I don’t know her.

Am I meant to go because she’s family though, and also to support my Mum etc? Is that the general gist of it? I come from such an odd family that it’s hard to know sometimes. I suppose I’m also trying to make myself feel better because I don’t want to go.

No, in your shoes I wouldn't go unless my mum had no other support.

I wouldn't go. I didn't go to a few family funerals due to distance or having a baby under 1.

Would your Mum mind if you didn't go?

Absolutely not.

Can you travel with your Mum? And feed your baby as soon as she's hungry, so she's not going to cry during the funeral or reception afterwards.

I think you should go to support your Mum, and give your condolences to other family members who were close to your aunt, if you can.

Same situation recently with an uncle’s funeral (apart from the baby part!) I didn’t go and don’t regret that decision.

I wouldn’t go if that was me, no.

I don’t know her and haven’t seen her since I was 6 (I’m now 36). We are one of those families who are not close at all.
Funerals aren't really about the deceased; they are about the mourners. Hatches, matches and despatches are what hold a family together.
However - in this heat, at that distance, with a 7m,o - YANBU to not go.

I would go, yes, but I’ve missed 2 family funerals in the past and hugely regretted both. Logistics are fixable. It means a hell of a lot to most mourners if people show up (leaving aside the odd MN weirdo who are obsessed that people might get a free sandwich without feeling enough grief).

Travel with your Mum.
Take your baby, feed her before the service, sit near the back of the service so you can slip out if you need to. People will understand.

The wake will be fine, baby's make people smile, and you have an instant topic of conversation with the family you don't really know.

Does your Mum want you to go? If so, xan you travel together?

Are you close to your mother? I would go to support her. It's also a good opportunity to see other family members you don't usually get to see due to distance etc.

No I wouldn't. I keep wondering if I would go to my FIL as not seen him in over ten years now. Ten years seems a different life time so 30 years is far too long. Tbh in my shoes as we should be closer it's got so weird that it would feel voyageristic. Dh has been partly to blame and either so apathetic or keen to keep him at arms lenght, I wouldn't even go for dhs sake to support him as there is zero signs dh cares either. I'm not going to sit and watch people cry for dead people who had zero time for each other in life.

So unless you want to go to support someone you are close too? If it's awkward say your ill. I fear I will have a migraine when that day comes.

Ni I would not especially with the heat at the moment best place for your baby is indoors.

Do they have the facility as most do these days to broadcast the funeral on the net?

I assume the car has aircon.
And both the service and the wake will be indoors.

Watching online, almost feels intrusive rather than supportive.

Its also an opportunity to meet people Op hasn't seen in years

I wouldn’t go unless your Mum really really wants you to. You haven’t seen her in 30 years.

In your position I'd make the effort to attend the funeral, partly to support your mother as she's lost her sister. Agree with PPs that you can feed and change baby beforehand and sit near the back during the service

You're talking like you are expected to attend? I can't imagine why you would be unless it is your mum needing you to go with her? Who is putting the expectation on you?

If your mum needs help to get there you could do that, drop her off, go somewhere with baby, then collect her?, or you and your mum could make a little overnight trip off it? You don't have to attend the funeral though and I certainly wouldn't with a baby.

There's too many unknown variables to give proper advice though.

No. I wouldn't.

Agree with PP. If your mum needs the support from you I'd consider it but other than that I think someone you haven't seen in 30 years may as well be a stranger.

No, I wouldn't.

No, it seems quite disingenuous and performative to turn up to someone’s funeral if you never bothered with them when they were alive. Let it be a day for her family.

if your Mum wants you to go, go with the baby’s father and let them look after it

In this circumstance I would only go if you were needed to support your mum. I wouldn’t go otherwise. You didn’t know the deceased.

Depends how close you are to your mum, and who else she has around her otherwise.

If your mum needs your support after the loss of her sister, I'd probably go.