Trigger warning - suicidal thoughts and SA
25 years in and I think I think I want out.
My DP has severe mental health issues and has expressed their want to not be here anymore many times. I am lied to constantly from big things to pointless lies that are totally unnecessarily and have been for years. I can’t stand lies and they can’t even go a single day without lying to me. I have a gut feeling I have been cheated on though this has been denied several times.
I feel like I can’t have my feelings and have to tip toe round them and accept all the horrible things they’ve put me through because they are struggling with their mental health. They were SA as a child have had a porn addiction. With all the lies and the porn addiction I have fallen out of love and told them I don’t want to be married to them anymore but can’t imagine life without them in it. I feel like I am walking on egg shells for fear of them hurting themselves as they have in the past
It’s my birthday coming up and admittedly I am difficult to buy for as I genuinely don’t know what I’d like. So I am fully expecting only a card when I wake. I am not too bothered about the gift but I would like to be treated and have a break from cooking for everyone. I feel like 0 effort is being put in from them, they can’t drive and I have mentioned what we should have for breakfast and dinner tomorrow and asked if they wanted to go to the shop to let me know. They said nothing to me and so have had to go buy the things for breakfast to ensure I can have what I suggested. We have lots commitments in the morning before I can think about doing anything for myself so it needs managed this evening.
i know that they are having a hard time of things but is I wrong to think that on my special day they could at least make me breakfast while I take care of all the other things I need to in the morning. I feel so undervalued as I bend over backwards for everyone in this house and make sure everyone is looked after has all their needs met. So much so I don’t actually get any down time for myself which is why I don’t know what I’d like as a gift in the first place.
There really isn’t a point to this post really it’s more just somewhere to vent my frustrations at being undervalued and unappreciated on my special day when I make sure everyone else has absolutely everything they need on their day. Though every time my day comes round minimal effort is put in.
I’m just feeling sorry for myself at the moment thank you if you have got this far. I am being vague as I don’t want to say anything that will have me outed