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Relationships

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Contemplating my future with my partner

7 replies

hattricker · 16/07/2026 21:08

I’m early 30s and in a relationship with a man who is also early 30s, for about 9 months now. We have 5 children between us but none together (they’ve never met).

Overall we have a good relationship, he makes me feel loved and we have a great connection romantically. There have been a couple of instances of jealously and snapping from him, but nothing that’s really been too bad.

he works very long hours, and between his job and our children we usually are only able to spend one full evening a week together, then potentially a couple of hours late one or two other nights (which I find exhausting after being a mum all day). He drinks 6 nights a week, probably only has a couple most nights then a few more on the weekend.

My dilemma is I have no idea if a future can work for us, and I’m getting to the point where I’m getting a lot of feelings for him but also worrying how we’d ever make it work. I don’t know how we’d ever afford a house together that would comfortably fit us and our children. My friends are worried his drinking will always take precedence over me, and it will become a serious problem over the years. I feel like I love him, but is that enough?

Sorry it all seems a bit jumbled, I’ve tried to just put down all the facts in hope of getting some honest advice. Maybe someone’s been in a similar situation? I feel completely torn and would appreciate any advice you have.

OP posts:
BuddhaAtSea · 16/07/2026 21:11

Nope. Absolutely not. In your shoes I wouldn’t even think about it, he sounds like a walking disaster.

Naurrr · 16/07/2026 21:11

Never ever date an alcoholic, a man who snaps at you, or a jealous man.

There would be no benefit to your kids to make them live with this person and his kids.
Date him if he truly enhances all aspects of your life, but no need to make your kids get involved or lose your independent housing.

slartibartfastina · 16/07/2026 21:37

I’m a bit confused how your friends think his drinking could take precedence over you if he’s only having a couple most nights and a few more on the weekend? Your friends’ concerns sound like there’s a lot more significance to his drinking habits. I would say that your feelings of trepidation are based on something genuine and should not be ignored because he’s sweet to be with when he’s not drinking.

Also, don’t underestimate the huge effort it will take to blend your families even if drinking is not an issue. My DH and I have 6 between us but we are older than you and our youngest is 12, oldest is 26. They all get along well but even so, it is a lot of effort and patience to make it work. This is so even though we both earn good salaries and have a big enough house (we live abroad where houses are a lot bigger than in the U.K.).

Coralsunset · 16/07/2026 21:40

I don’t think this relationship would suit me. That’s a lot of children between you.

The drinking is another concern.

Jk987 · 16/07/2026 22:39

You can continue the relationship without living together!
You can’t make your kids live with a strange man and his kids and it’s not necessary to do so.

PaperMachePanda · 16/07/2026 22:51

Put this one right back where you found him.

Why on earth would you even think dating an alcoholic is a good idea, never mind potentially moving in with him and having him around your kids.

Give your head a wobble.

Blimey.

cordeliavorkosigan · 16/07/2026 22:52

No, do not do this. The drinking isn't great but the snapping and jealousy on top make it just a total no. And 5 children! With a jealous drinker? Noooooooo

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