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Relationships

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Original poster

Aibu to want a timeline to move in together?

30 replies

Molly2008 · 16/07/2026 07:26

I (F39) been seeing DP M50 on and off for about 8 years - more seriously the last 4 years. We don’t live together I have 2 teenage children and he lives alone. I have asked if we can agree a timeline for when we will live together in the future… ideally I want him to move closer to me. AIBU? He basically just replies with IDK and is happy to continue to date and see each other few times a week indefinitely but I want more…

OP posts:

PepsiBook · 16/07/2026 10:45

Sounds like he has been honest - he's happy as he is.

SinisterPeaches · 16/07/2026 10:45

Molly2008 · 16/07/2026 10:43

Yes I totally understand him not wanting to live with teens - I was just hoping for more of a plan for when they fly the nest. I believe he thinks I’ll just move in with him at that point but I’m not sure I want to move and I would feel like the kids may not feel welcome to come back and stay / visit as frequently as I would like. Anyways for now we have separated as I can’t be with someone that won’t have an honest and open conversation about the future.

Well, that sounds like a good decision. Your ideas about the future are too different. Don’t waste another eight years hanging around for someone invested in something that doesn’t work for you,

UpDownAllAround1 · 16/07/2026 10:49

Lot happened in 3 hours!

Minasama · 16/07/2026 10:53

In my experience, if a man wants to move in together this becomes a topic of discussion during the first six months of the relationship. Certainly if this is not on the cards after 18 months- 2 years this is unlikely to happen unless there are particular mitigating circumstances (eg young children / waiting for an elderly parent to go into a home or pass away.)

After 8 years I think it may be better to tell him you are looking for a partnership/ marriage where you live together and you would prefer to end the relationship if that isn’t going to happen so that you have the opportunity to meet someone else who does want to live together.

Brightbluesomething · 16/07/2026 15:41

Separating is a good outcome.
Actions speak louder than words, although in your case both were telling you that he’d never live with you.
I’ve had a similar experience, knowing someone for about 7 years and together for two, second time together. I wanted us to live together, agree a timeline to buy, and as the higher earner paying more of the mortgage the financial risk would sit with me. We talked about moving closer to our respective DC’s school, how they’d need the same sized bedrooms and even the work he’d have to do to his house to get it ready for sale (it needed a lot so the timeline was never going to be quick). In the end he did nothing about it. And now I know he never would. It was all future faking to string me along. I left.
At least you didn’t have that Op. He’s never made commitments so he’s not broken them. He just sounds like he’s ok on his own and can’t tell you that.

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