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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Need advice on making a safe plan in my marriage

6 replies

Fedupwithlife2026 · 15/07/2026 23:33

Hey everyone.

I need some advice because I honestly don’t know what to do.

I have been married since I was 19. My husband is around 10 years older than me, and I have been living with this kind of behaviour for years. This morning he said some very disturbing things, including that he hates me, that he should have married a better woman, and comments about me dying in my sleep. He also called me his enemy.

I come from a Pakistani Muslim background and him African, and growing up I didn’t always see healthy relationship dynamics around me. Because of this, I sometimes struggle to know what is normal and what isn’t, and whether I am overreacting.

I feel completely overwhelmed and I feel like I need help making a safe plan. I’m considering speaking to my health visitor, but I’m scared about what happens if I ask for help. I don’t want things to immediately become police involvement or lots of agencies — I need advice and support to understand my options.

What would you do in my situation?

OP posts:
User1839423790 · 15/07/2026 23:35

Please ring women’s aid they will definitely be able to help you. Don’t hesitate to ring 999 if you don’t feel safe.

mumofoneisonozempic · 15/07/2026 23:36

Yeah ring womens aid darling - they will help you put a plan together

So sorry youve had to survive this man, but you will make it out, as long as you act x

Jeadorelalabrador · 15/07/2026 23:37

User1839423790 · 15/07/2026 23:35

Please ring women’s aid they will definitely be able to help you. Don’t hesitate to ring 999 if you don’t feel safe.

This. And ensure your internet browsing is private and your phone is secure.

Fedupwithlife2026 · 15/07/2026 23:38

Thank you never thought of womens aid. I will find a way to email them as it's more convenient. Thank you for that

OP posts:
Awkwardisfunny · 16/07/2026 00:05

So sorry you're experiencing that. It's definitely not normal. It's fully abusive and you're right to trust your gut and see it as a warning sign. Get your plan made and leave asap.

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