Starting over in my 50s after separation and feeling terrified

[Liketheclappers]

Just needing to vent / ask advice from older Mumsnet people who have had to start all over again in their 50s. My marriage ended very suddenly earlier this year, it's very messy and traumatic. Divorce papers have been served on me and judging by the timescale given by the court everything will be official just before Christmas. I'm still in the matrimonial home and have had to deal with getting valuations but it hasn't gone on the market as yet. Financial disclosure is in it's early stages, he's significantly better off than me as I'm a mature student so live off my loan.

It's all such a mess and some days I don't know where to start. I have to keep going with my degree to have any chance of financial security in the future but it all gets so overwhelming. My son from my first marriage still lives at home and he's also a student /works part time.

I've lost both of my parents and don't have the best family support around me. I'm just absolutely petrified of the future. Scared I'll never trust anyone ever again and I'm just so tired.

There are lots of Facebook groups for support and advice with this

What were the crimes against you you had no idea about?
if you can get a restraining order or non molestation order this might help

How would he commit domestic violence against her and she not know about it?
Unless I'm misreading her post.

Don't want to speculate while on OPs thread, and we really shouldn't be pushing her to disclose. But there's plenty of scenarios in which that would be the case, just imagine being filmed without your knowledge or consent. And there's been much worse real-life cases in the news the last few years.

OP i have no concrete advice but full sympathy.

Have you put in a financial claim yet? You can do that even though your husband has initiated the divorce itself. If you're not earning, you can perhaps claim more of the assets or even ask for maintenance for a year or 2. And include pensions in the claim too.
It could take a couple of years potentially to get the finances settled if there are pensions to be shared.
Good luck.

What an awful shock. While it will take time to adjust and get over this, I would start by making a list of all the things you now want to do or will now be able to do now that he is not part of you life. It’s actually a lovely opportunity to shape things anew that not everybody gets.
Take pleasure in the small things that give joy and take it day by day.

Can I ask what sort of crimes was he arrested for against you that you didn’t know about? Has he been charged?

I'd rather not state what the crime actually was as it is an ongoing police investigation. I can say that he is on bail and not allowed any contact with me and that they involve the use of AI.

Thank you 😊. Getting replies like this really give me a boost x

Oh jesus. I’m shocked he’s the one divorcing you and not vice Versa.