Feeling unappreciated while doing everything at home with little acknowledgement

[Slothlovescoffee]

Feeling so unappreciated and unnoticed.
My husband works super hard but its all he seems to care about... that and sex or the lack of
I do everything round the house I pick up every crap including his and I never whinge or moan about it. All he does is have a go at the kids for not doing their jobs or helping me round the house. I feel like its so hypocritical.
I feel like I do everything. Our daughters room needed painting, I did it. I built her wardrobe all on my own. Iv just dismantled an old shed all by myself and he looked at it and said nothing until I mentioned it.
Am i being a twat for feeling like this??

Does he have any good points? Apart from ‘working super duper hard’.

I know he loves me and the kids. I just feel like I cant see any good points anymore. I know they are there or they used to be 😞 i just feel pissed off with him more than anything else

Why are you picking up his crap? That’s where I’d be starting - he needs to pull at least his weight with his own stuff.

Because it would just sit there... forever or he would run out of socks

Let him run out of socks.

Are you financially independent?

Its half and half. We have a mortgage and I couldnt afford it all on my own

If he runs out of socks- who cares?

How does he show that he loves you and the children?
Are you dependent on him for money?

He bought me flowers the other day when I was feeling miserable. Hes not really an emotional man. Tough love kind of guy.
Not completely we have a mortgage together

So you “tough love” him right back - he needs to lift some of the load that comes with living as an adult, get off the kids backs and pick up his shit.

Stop doing everything. Pick some task you don’t care about and drop them. Either he does them or they don’t get done. His crap buy a laundry basket or storage container and chuck everything in there dirty or clean. Start making time for yourself, take up a hobby or socialise . Improving your life will make you less resentful. Stop being responsible for him. If he wants to work on the marriage with you he can if he doesn’t enjoy your life and live alongside him.

If you're employed, he needs to do his half of all parenting and house stuff. Otherwise there's literally no point to having the misogynist in the house.

He can be as unemotional as he likes, while functioning as the other adult in the house.

do you work too? If not does he think this is your ‘job’??

It’s not something I’ve ever done but do you take time away from the home to go out just the two of you? It’s so easy to turn in to a mini housekeeping and childcare company unless you lift your head up sometimes and give yourself time to talk properly.

I do work. I work from home 3 days a week. I think as he is working 5 / 6 days a week and leaves the house it means it should all be done when he gets home. Im trying to not be so resentful.

We used to go for breakfast once a week just the 2 of us. We havent done that in a while. It is nice when we have our time together just us

Can you try suggesting resurrecting that for a start? As a positive thing and not a moan.
If you always WFH you are likely craving a change of scenery and some adult attention. Whereas he may be all drained after a day out of the house.

Just tell him how you feel before too late!

How old are the dc? Obviously old enough to do chores? Do you pick up jobs if they don’t do them?

I stopped picking up after my Dh and he definitely improved. If it’s not in the laundry basket, for example, it doesn’t get washed and he runs out of pants. Tough. I’m not his mum.

2 of them are old enough and they do help out with their jobs. Your not wrong im def not his mum 🤣