No friends

[TwistAway]

This feels a bit awkward to post, but here goes…
For reasons I’d rather not go into, I don’t have any friends. It never used to bother me, but recently it has started to bother me.
I’d like to meet other mums so they understand my situation, but not online and I really don’t want to use apps etc. Places I could meet people in real life. My children are older now, so I’m no longer meeting people through school or play groups as they choose their own friends now.
Has anyone else found themselves in this position? If so, how did you go about making friends as an adult? I’d really appreciate any ideas or suggestions. Thanks

Ah that must be lonely. Do you have any hobbies or interests?

Friends through a hobby like running at a running club

Clubs clubs and more clubs
sports, crafts, books , walking, knitting

anything you fancy

Do you work? Any like minded people there? Have you always been like this or has something changed

I work from home so that’s not an option sadly, I have my kids full time so hobbies are tricky unless it’s one they can come to

Sorry thought you said your kids were older eg not at school

does the school have a “friends of school” charity set up? Usually run by parents , could you join that?

No I meant older school kids sorry, no theres nothing like that and I’ve given up trying to make friends at the school as it just didn’t go anywhere so looking for things outside of school

Can you get your kids to play cricket? That's sociable as the parents watch and there is usually a clubhouse to sit in and have a drink. Or park run all together if you are sporty? Could you host a book club at your house?
I've pretty much lost touch with 2 close friends recently (big life changes for them, no drama) and it's hard making new friends so I know where you're coming from.

I could try something like that thanks. They are in some clubs but it’s drop and run type of thing!

Get a dog. Dog owners are friendly. Can you find time to volunteer at anything? (Join litter-pickers, do a Saturday morning in the library? A shift a week/month at a foodbank or meals o wheels?) Go to church/ chapel/mosque/temple. Join a club for something you're interested in: photography/WI/Rock Choir/ a writing group/ a charity. Stand for the parish council/village hall committee. Chat to people in shops...pass the time of day... But you will have to make the first move, and be brave. Good luck. It's hard out there

Has anyone else found themselves in this position?

There are threads on MN on this same theme every week on MN

Here is one running currently

If your dc are older, as you say in your OP, so you don't meet other parents through them, then can you not leave them for a couple of hours ?

Alternatively, get a babysitter if there is no other parent on the scene ?

I think it is quite hard to make good friends at any age.
I would not directly aim to make friends; you might be disappointed as it's not something you can force. I would aim initially just to be among other people more, to have more superficial social contact, to do activities alongside others or in groups. Friendships may or may not emerge. Could be all kinds of things such as sports, evening classes, volunteering, hobbies, book groups, travel...

I’m the same. Kids are older and lost touch with old friends

They are late primary, so whilst could be left for a short while I wouldn’t leave them for a long time, I didn’t meet anyone at the school and I have given up trying there, and I meant they are too old for playgroups etc as they are not babies or toddlers. I did clarify they are not adults children. I can leave them to nip to the shop etc but I wouldn’t leave them for hours to go to groups at the weekend

I don't mean to bang on, but if you want friends you HAVE to be friendly.

Thirty-odd years ago, with a 4yr-old, I moved to a place where I knew no one. I did not make any friends via my offspring's education, but I have made lots using the ideas I gave earlier.

Thirty-odd years on, I now have friends from when we had a dog, church, local groups I've volunteered with, hobby groups, regular coffee mornings I attended and with random people that began by my saying 'Hello. Better weather today, isn't it?' sort of thing.

@TwistAway No one will come looking to be your friend. You will have to be brave and show you are someone who would be nice to know. As I am sure you are.