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Original poster

Safely leaving an abusive relationship - revenge porn threat

42 replies

QweenOfHearts · 14/07/2026 20:38

I have had an on-off relationship for 2½ years. It has become increasingly apparent that he has got some sort of PD / some sort of serious MH issues. He has been pushing to combine finances and blend with my family; I have resisted. He has acted really erratically last week or so, which coincided with a male friend visiting. He knew me and my friend were going on; I had 11 missed calls from him. I am really worried about revenge porn. I consented to videos being made after about 6 months, he seemed fine at this point. No red flags. We were on the phone yesterday when I heard porn in the background- I realised it was us as I recognised my voice and a nickname only I would use. I felt absolutely sick as he told me about 6 weeks ago that he had revenge-porned his ex. Things were already on the rocks; it almost felt like a threat the way he told me. He has also said things lately about how he can make someone's life hell if they wrong him. I am absolutely shit-scared. He was up all night messaging me, knowing I had work.... But he ended things. I WAS SO RELIEVED.

People didn't know how bad it was because we didn't mix, we were in a little cocoon. This also made me lose perspective on things. A grab here, a push there, being rough with my belongings. I just need to know the way of ending things without enraging him. He has now said he didn't mean it, he loves me, do I love him? I can't bring myself to say I do. I feel sick talking to him. He sent me a load of the most unflattering photos he has of me this evening. It feels like a threat, somehow. I had to end the call where I didn't say "I love you too" as DC needed something. They are with their dad tonight. (This guy has NOT met DC, btw.) I wish I hadn't got into a TC with him but he was ringing as he was sending these pics through. I asked him why he had them still. As I asked him to delete them last time he sent them. Relative to me, I was quite annoyed. He just said do you love me? I don't know if I just say I love you back to placate him, or what. Please help me I am beside myself with worry. It is Long distance but he knows where I live and work and if people see these videos of me my life in the small village I live in will be over.

OP posts:
Original poster
QweenOfHearts · 15/07/2026 07:48

Wecanbeheroes26 · 15/07/2026 06:02

Were there any consequences or charges from his prior revenge porn? I'd report it.
And do a Claire's law...

I'm no expert but I reckon the worst thing you could do is say you love him, to try and placate him. That seems like digging a bigger hole.

I have been saying I love you to placate him for months but I just can't do it anymore; I don't love him, I am scared of him 😢

No consequence to previous revenge porn but it was really bad, she had kids who were obviously affected too

She had her own business and he somehow got into her website and put photos on there as well as emailing her boss for her regular job

OP posts:
NewDogOwner · 15/07/2026 08:59

If he does, remember we are living in a world of AI so deny everything and say they were made by him. This should help a lot with the embarrassment factor and absolves you of any perceived shame. Have your head held high. People can only make you feel embarrassed or ashamed if you let them. Cut him off.

Hayfield123 · 15/07/2026 09:25

Go to the police straight away. Better to feel a little embarrassed telling them than to have it spread everywhere. They will of heard it all before and there not your judge and jury. Then block him from everything. He’s a creep and you deserve better. Good luck

Bonkers1966 · 15/07/2026 10:07

He sounds vile, OP, so sorry this is happening to you. Well done for not engaging with his 'tell me you love me' bullshit. Makes me feel ill just thinking about it. x

bigboykitty · 15/07/2026 11:47

He is harassing you and this is also a crime, but you will need to tell him clearly in writing/text hat you don't want to hear from him ever again and that if he continues to try to make contact you, you will inform the police. If you engage with him - eg answer calls, respond to texts, tell him you love him, the police will not be able to act on this. I know you're scared but you need to stop responding.

Maray1967 · 15/07/2026 12:24

QweenOfHearts · 14/07/2026 21:00

I feel physically sick. I don't know if I should just say I love you to make him stop. Because there is nothing to stop him doing the revenge porn. He doesn't seem to care about the previous victim he did this to and that it is illegal.

The only words I’d be saying to him are ‘I’ve reported you to the police.’

And do it.

GottaBeStrong · 15/07/2026 13:53

When I managed to escape my ex, he punished me by sending intimate images of me to a mutual male friend. He was also doing a lot of volatile and threatening stuff because he had lost control of me.

The time when you escape their clutches is an incredibly dangerous time. I reported him to the police for the intimate images. They do take it seriously. I would also contact Women's Aid or your local domestic abuse organisation for support.

From my perspective, it felt as if he had violated me. It was humiliating.

I know that images and video can happen with and without consent - as in I was aware he had taken images and also recorded video of me without my consent, as well as having a few that were my own images (sort of arty ones - his were far less flattering!). Lots of people do share images with intimate partners with the belief they will be kept private. It is not our shame to carry that these vile individuals have broken our trust in this way to broadcast them to all and sundry.

The friend who he sent them to was a paramedic and so I comforted myself with the fact that I'm sure he'd seen a lot of bodies etc. It ended up in court as part of a wider domestic abuse charge. By that point A LOT of people had seen these images. I was past caring by that point, to be honest, but I did decide that I would do my utmost best to never end up in that situation again.

Please do seek help from police and a domestic abuse organisation or Victim Support. They will be able to advise you how to stay safe. I would change your phone number, if possible and come off social media for now.

Original poster
QweenOfHearts · 15/07/2026 17:39

He has text me so many times today. He ended up sending me an email too.

He said if my phone is working and I am not answering he had better put out an SOS. SO STUPIDLY I REPLIED 😢 I said i was at work. He said did i get the Delivery i said no. He said that means I must have been out all night. I said no I had to leave early. But I asked my parents look and he had sent a flowers and deliveroo from sainsburys of my favourite foods.
He also said he was sending me a letter. And he hopes I get it tomorrow.
I haven't replied to any more messages.
I am just terrified of him
And he is just sending me random stuff saying it is ok to that I dont love him. Then saying he is humiliated.
Then saying he is going to buy a puppy
It is crazy
I am worried if I block he will start messaging my friends and get angry. If he sends explicit videos to my friends I don't care but if he sends it to other acquaintances then I will be mortified. It isnt just photos there are entire videos
When I last spoke to him and I said I thought you deleted those photos of me he said he wasnt going to because they were memories of us together.

OP posts:
bigboykitty · 15/07/2026 18:05

You are stupid for replying. Don't do it again. He's done more than enough for you to report him to the police now on 101. If he makes any direct threats to you or that he'll kill himself, call 999. Don't reply any more. Screenshot all the messages and emails. Keep your phone charged and on you in case you need to call the police.

Myfridgeiscool · 15/07/2026 18:16

Don’t engage with him at all OP.
Call the Police or report to the Police online.
Don't worry about the threat of revenge porn: it’ll say much more about his character if he does do this: you have done nothing wrong.
Keep a record and evidence of everything.
Get advice from Women’s Aid.
You'll be ok, you need to end the relationship safely. The Police will help you.

Sodthesystem · 15/07/2026 19:03

Ok but you need to get this reported to the police asap. They will absolutely take this seriously. Go tell the, what has been going on. And pre-warn your work and friends about the threats he is making so that they can keep an eye out for you and so that they don’t open any emails he sends them. Get a police report and they will give you a police report number and anything he then sends out to people you can just tell them to forward to the police with that report number cited, so that can be added to his crimes.

This is the sort of man who kills people op and you really need to talk to the police as a matter of urgency, I would take time off work tomorrow and go do it.

Do not respond to anything else he sends. And consider getting a camera doorbell.
if he has ever had keys to your home, get your locks changed. In the mean time when you are in, leave your keys in the locks (if there’s no window near the handle) and it’ll be harder for him to unlock the door.

Ibwah · 15/07/2026 19:14

Agree with @Sodthesystem except I wouldn’t wait until tomorrow to report. Report now and stay somewhere else tonight. He sounds deranged.

MabelAnderson · 15/07/2026 19:18

Sodthesystem · 15/07/2026 19:03

Ok but you need to get this reported to the police asap. They will absolutely take this seriously. Go tell the, what has been going on. And pre-warn your work and friends about the threats he is making so that they can keep an eye out for you and so that they don’t open any emails he sends them. Get a police report and they will give you a police report number and anything he then sends out to people you can just tell them to forward to the police with that report number cited, so that can be added to his crimes.

This is the sort of man who kills people op and you really need to talk to the police as a matter of urgency, I would take time off work tomorrow and go do it.

Do not respond to anything else he sends. And consider getting a camera doorbell.
if he has ever had keys to your home, get your locks changed. In the mean time when you are in, leave your keys in the locks (if there’s no window near the handle) and it’ll be harder for him to unlock the door.

Edited

Agree with this.
He sounds dangerous.

Bonkers1966 · 15/07/2026 19:31

Stop engaging and report. This is not a drill. You need to stop and report.

SaltyCara · 15/07/2026 19:53

I would absolutely recommend you contact Paladin (stalking charity) immediately. Stop engaging with him; turn you attention to professional advice and support. They will know best how to advise you. Courage, OP, you don't have to fight him alone.

Original poster
QweenOfHearts · 16/07/2026 00:05

Thank you i will call Paladin not heard of this before

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