How can I stay firm when ending things after being ghosted?

[Alonegirl]

My boyfriend will be home in about 30 minutes. After ghosting me and avoiding my calls, he asked to talk.
I already know I want to end the relationship, but I don't want him to manipulate the conversation, make excuses, or somehow make me feel stupid
I want to stay calm, ask the right questions, expose any lies or contradictions if there are any, and leave the conversation knowing I stood up for myself.
What questions would you ask in this situation? What are common manipulation tactics I should watch out for? And how can I keep the conversation focused on accountability instead of getting pulled into arguments or blame-shifting?
Any advice would really help.

Yes

you will not get honestly or closure

you can discuss practicalities of the house later

text him its over snd you want him to leave

sorry for your hurt but you wont get what you want

So you live together? Is it your house or jointly owned? If the latter you can't tell him to go but you can still end things. I understand the desire to have your say but it would be much better to tell him it's over as the relationship is no longer working for you.

You don't ask questions, you make statements.
I am not happy, this behaviour is disrespectful, I am ending the relationship.

While that’s the conversation you want sadly it won’t happen that way. He wants to talk to give you his narrative why you are at least partly if not entirely to blame for his cheating and behaviour. You won’t be able to trust what he says as the “truth” and because you are emotionally invested it’s unlikely you will walk away feeling you got some of his peace, unfortunately you are the one likely to come away feeling emotionally drained and badly treated.

the type of conversation you are proposing won’t give you closure or peace as he will be dictating the narrative by how he chooses to answer your questions rather than the truth. Hurtful though it is you would be better saying you don’t want a conversation and move forward. Accept the ghosting for what it is he really doesn’t want to talk to you and anything he says is his narrative not the truth.

Who is moving out?

Don't engage beyond telling him that you are done. If he dumps you - which is likely - just agree that it's for the best. There is no closure to be had here. Only bullshit.

You’ll get nothing from a conversation except more anger and disappointment. You’ll take more of his peace by ending it point blank believe me.

This is the right approach.

Why not end it on a post it note? Joking, but really, if you know you want to break up with him and he's been ignoring you, why do you need to ask him questions or have to stand up for yourself? You don't need to meet in person.

Sorry, I just realised you live with him. But I still wouldn't be asking questions or having to stand up for myself. Tell him it's over, you'd like to be amicable, but if that's not possible you just want to know how to split everything and who lives where etc.

If you're the same poster who posted your lengthy text exchanges, I think you've said all you need to say. He doesn't care that you were upset. Why bother with the conversation unless you're hoping he'll talk you round? Honestly, I'd just tell him to fuck off 🙄

Is this what she meant by first post? I was so confused.

do you have a link so I can catch up…not sure why there are two separate threads for the same thing

I wholeheartedly agree with only minimal engagement. You will not get the closure you are looking for in this scenario – to get closure you would have to get coherence from someone completely unable and unwilling to give it. It’s not going to happen.

The relationship isn’t working for you anymore. Your communication styles don’t match and you’re not having your needs met. Rinse and repeat. Being this blunt and simplistic will enable you to feel so much stronger than engaging in a back and forth. Why? Because you won’t allow him to get in at all.

This is going to go the way you’re hoping it will.

Op are you the poster whose boyfriend told you it was his sister showing him her breasts, you live in a house share?

Yeah that’s what I thought. It’s the same poster.

op just tell him it’s over, I doubt he will care.

To be honest I wouldn’t be asking any questions, it comes across as a bit desperate to me, but I’m quite a stoic and stern person. Just let him in and get his stuff, get your keys back and say bye.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5554326-are-these-reasonable-signs-of-cheating-or-enough-to-end-it?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

THIS ! THIS !