Normal for husband to be jealous?

[Madison15]

Is it normal for a husband to be jealous if you have nice things or grew up in a wealthier family than he did? My husband never seems to be happy for me. For example I treated myself (with my own money) and bought a designer bag for my birthday. He pretended to be happy about it. But months later says I should sell it and that I’m so selfish I can buy things for myself. For me if you love someone you would want them to treat themselves and be happy but he’s not like that he’s always jealous when I’m happy or tries to bring my mood down. He is depressed and unhappy with himself. I always buy him stuff to cheer him up or take him out but he never appreciates it and always hurts my feelings. Has anyone been through this before?

No that’s nasty. Does he begrudge everyone or just you? Of course you are allowed buy yourself whatever you want with your own money, and that is not selfish.

Don’t let him get to you.

It depends. Are you eating pot noodles and stale bread because you spent all your money on a bag? If so, I could see his point. He might just be being a silly sausage though.

He sounds very mean spirited OP. I hope you come to realise you deserve a lot better. Be kind to yourself.

No it's horrible. If you love someone, or in fact even if you don't, you know that their upbringing is not something they can control.

Someone can't help if they lived in poverty as a child any more than they can if their family happened to be wealthy.

He sounds like a wrong 'un.

Did you notice this when you first got together?

This is not normal unless he is suffering as a direct result of your spending. Is he going without? If not he doesn't seem to like you which does not bode well for the future
I had a guy like this. Marriage lasted less than a year.

No, not normal.

Sounds like something else going on, hard to know what it could be.

I guess if you're spending massive amounts of money on designer bags to the detriment of your joint finances as a couple, that would be irksome for him. For example, if your spending on expensive indulgences means that as a couple you can't afford a holiday or a reliable car together, then yes, fair enough for him to less than delighted when you come home having spent thousands on an extortionately priced non-essential.

But if he genuinely is just envious and hates you having nice things simply because he doesn't like you to be happy, obviously that's not normal.

He sounds deeply unpleasant and resentful, and appears to enjoy making you feel miserable.

Maybe start thinking about whether you want to remain in a relationship with someone who doesn't want you to be happy.

He may have psychological hang ups about money triggering massive insecurity when you spend, even if it is not detrimental to your finances as a couple.

That sounds like something that he ought to get some help with, do you share finances and are you fully transparent? When you discuss money do you get the sense that is what is going on?

It may be something he doesn't understand but he needs to get sorted.

Some people are bitter about their upbringings and never get over it. Try to rise above it.

This sounds like it’s more about your current financial arrangements rather than your childhood.

Why are women told they need to rise above it, and tolerate men's shitty behaviour?

If you are questioning his stinginess then don’t marry him!!!!! You will be forever tangled financially with this misery guts.

Sorry I read that incorrectly as ‘husband to be’ oh too late for you so, I’m sorry!

Do you both have access to equal spending money so he could also have bought himself a bag or other non essential nice item with his money?

If not, he may have a point.

Do you and your husband have separate finances from each other? Do you split up shared expenses for the household (and children, if you have them together) equally? Do you have extra money while he's struggling - either because you make significantly more than him, or perhaps you receive money from your family or through an inheritance or trust fund?

You also say he’s always jealous when I’m happy or tries to bring my mood down. He is depressed and unhappy with himself. That sounds like more than a budget issue. If he's genuinely depressed he needs to take steps to do something about it - probably starting with a medical checkup and diagnosis and seeing if therapy and/or meds would help, rather than taking it out on you. Telling you to sell your bag and calling you selfish isn't constructive and isn't clear communication even if there is an underlying financial problem that needs to be solved. It sounds more like an attempt to control or manipulate you. It's possible that he has very different ideas and standards than you about non-essential spending, maybe because he grew up without much/any extra or his family were stricter than yours, but he can't impose his standards on you.

How long have you two been together, and is this new behavior, or has it gone on for many years?

You say he tries to bring you down when you're happy. Can you give other examples of that? I'm assuming you mean that those are even times that don't involve money.

Is he doing anything for his depression? Therapy? Antidepressants?

Just trying to get a bigger picture. But basically, besides the occasional, expected random argument in a relationship, the majority of the time, a couple should be happy with their partnership. A partner should be the soft pillow you land on at the end of a stressful day at work or because of the normal stressors of daily life. He shouldn't be the main source of your stress.

He needs to seek counselling to get over his bitterness,
If he refuses then you have 2 options:

1. prepare for a lifetime of bitterness and unpleasantness.
2. leave and enjoy your new life.