I don’t know why I’m writing this on here, I think I just need to hear an outside perspective as I fell out with all my friends to be with my partner. W snow have 2 kids are are struggling with money due to debt (even though we earn good money) but beneath the money struggles, we are best friends and love each other so much!!
we both have a little bit of debt each that we are trying to pay off separately and we have 2 kids that we had back recently so still trying to get out of 2 maternity leave debts. He also takes testosterone. I am not the most tidy/organised person (undiagnosed ADHD) and he is very anal and wants everything perfect all the time. Even with 2 toddlers I have had to pick up more work hours so I am doing 4 days now, so don’t have a lot of time to do housework and when I am at home, I am juggling a nearly 2 & nearly 3 year old by myself whilst he works from home and I have to keep them quiet or he comes storming downstairs shouting at me.
There are a few things I keep doing that he has told me multiple times not to do, like keeping the kitchen sides clean, not leaving long phone charges out looking messy, just general tidying up that sometimes I get delayed to tidying up due to the kids. He looses it and says I don’t listen and why am I not changing, I am a farmyard animal, a slob and disgusting. I am not one to back down and let someone speak to me like that so I argue back and he looses it even more and tells me to stop talking back, it escalates so bad that he usually either pushes me on the floor/bed/sofa or gets me by my neck against the door or over the kitchen sink. But he claims because he’s never punched me it’s not that bad and I’m playing a victim. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me, he just wants me to listen.
He loves his sons so much and would never hurt them and he is the only person I have now as I lost all of my friendship group to be with him (they thought he was bad news as they knew of him before).
when the physical abuse happens I am adamant I am leaving and I tell him that and he says good, then we make up and he says how sorry he is and how he feels awful for being just like his dad and he will try and stop. We are best friends and I try and hold onto the fact that we are just in a bad place because of money but once we are out of debt we won’t have this constant stress over us and can get our happy life back.
I don’t know what to do and need to hear it from someone else’s perspective instead of telling a family member and risking them all hating him if I don’t leave him. We really do have a great relationship underneath this money stress, but we will be out of it soon. But is it worth sticking around for it to get better?