Is a very part-time relationship worth it when I still love him?

[AnaColombiana]

I'm 41 and I've only ever been properly in love once. I'm still in touch with him, I visited him last night. I know he is keen to rekindle things but it wouldn't be a proper traditional relationship. We live about 20 miles from each other and both have children. Every time I date I compare others to him and wish I was with him. It took me so long to get over the break up and I'm not over him really.
My question is, is it better to be in a semi relationship with someone you adore but you're not properly in each other's lives and hardly see each other, or hold out to meet someone who can give themselves fully to a relationship? (Hasn't happened in all the 25 or so years I've been dating)

Why is it a semi relationship? If it’s not what you want then don’t do it but if it works for you both for now or for ever it’s as valid as any relationship.

I think it’s time relationships are reframed as it’s not one size fits all.

Do you actually mean an affair?

Or a Living Apart Together (LAT) relationship, which are not that unusual these days?

Not an affair, we're both very single. I mean he hardly has any time and I suppose I don't have much either. And we live miles away from each other. And he's no good at staying in touch. So we can see each other maybe once a fortnight and call maybe once a week. Doesn't feel like a relationship to me but I adore him.

20 miles is nothing if you drive.

I'm in a LAT, but we're in contact a lot, an ongoing stream of conversation by messaging. (A level of messaging that the MN eyerollers get very disapproving about 😂).

I wouldn't be happy with the level of contact you're describing myself.

Being busy and living a distance apart are fine.

Him not being good at staying in touch isn’t. It woods take zero effort for him to text or phone you. He doesn’t… because he doesn’t want to.

It’s no life for you to cling onto crumbs from someone you care about more than he cares about you.

I don’t think it would be good for you emotionally. I suspect that you’ll want a lot more than is actually on offer, and you’re going to end up feeling like a very low priority and a side thought in his life. A relationship doesn’t have to involve living together or seeing each other every day; but once a fortnight and little communication in between because he’s “no good at staying in touch” (more like can’t be bothered) isn’t even a semi-relationship, it’s just a casual sex or friends with benefits arrangements (without even much of the friends part.)

What’s really in it for you? He’s just offering scraps. It sounds very one-sided: you love him, but it doesn’t sound as though he feels the same way about you, and that’s a miserable imbalance to live with.