Can’t move on

[StuckOnYouuu]

Please be kind.

I don’t really know how to explain this without sounding completely ridiculous, but I’m starting to think there must be something wrong with me.

I’ve been split up from my children’s dad for years now, but I still think about him every single day. Not necessarily because I want him back but my brain just seems to be stuck on him.

I wonder if he’s seeing someone, if he’s happy, whether he ever thinks about me, and I spend far too much time going over all the “what ifs” and how things could have been different. It’s exhausting.

The worst bit is how much it affects my mood. If he texts me, I get this massive lift and I’ll be smiling for ages afterwards. If I don’t hear from him, I feel flat. It’s embarrassing to admit because I know it shouldn’t have that much of an effect on me after all this time.

Then I look around and everyone else seems to move on so easily. Someone I know has had two relationships in the last year, and I haven’t even wanted to date in nearly a decade because it feels like I’m still mentally stuck where I was.

People always say “just move on”, but I honestly don’t know how. If it was that simple I’d have done it years ago. I feel like there’s something keeping me tied to him that I can’t explain.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? Did therapy help? I’m starting to wonder if there’s something deeper going on because this doesn’t feel like a normal way to be anymore.

I’m not looking for people to tell me to get over it because I already know I need to. I just want to know if anyone has actually been in this position and managed to come out the other side. I feel like I'm
living in the past and everyone else moves on so quickly.

This is a really unpopular opinion because the general advice these days is focus on yourself/self-care/projects but honestly I have always got over a man by getting under another. I know some people would say you shoukd be able to tap into your own sense of self worth and not feel like you need a man but for me it hasn't been anout that.
For me, having a new man on the scene to obsess over and feel desired by actually reminds me that theres isnt just one person out there for everyone, and that yes, I can feel something for someone else. Also, its just fun.

I guess what Im saying is that if irs been years, maybe its time for you to treat yourself to a fling

Ive never been one for casual sex 😔

Im not suggesting casual sex, more like get yourself on a few dates, remind yourself there are some compatible guys out there?

Why did you break up?

Oh ok i was commenting on the having a fling, assumed that meant casual sex

He broke up with me, lots of reasons, but mainly his mental health.

It has become a habit in your life this cycle. The good news is that habits can be broken. Can you find someone to help you break the habit/cycle. See GP for referral to therapy. Hypnotherapy, distraction, new hobby, Reading delf help books. Like The Power of NOw by Eckarte Tolle.

@KlippityKloppity I agree. Like you say it’s an unpopular opinion (or people don’t like to admit it) but I’ve been single 10 months now and cannot stop thinking about my ex. Not due to wanting him back either. I feel like I know the only way to break this thought cycle is to meet someone else but god can I hell be arsed with going through the process again .

That could be why then, cos you didn’t initiate the break up. Could you both give things another go and just see? Is there anyone else in either pictures if there isn’t then maybe see if you could start afresh as much as possible with already having children 🙂

I haven’t date anyone since, I can’t speak for him as I don’t know and don’t ask, the thing is I wouldn’t want to give it another go or be in a relationship with him again so I don’t know why I feel this way.