Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship advice .... Sorry im kinda broken and angry right now

19 replies

Mike5454454 · 12/07/2026 14:16

So basically i was with my gf for 4,5 years we broke up today i tell u what happened,so i was distant i wasnt there for 1,5 months that created a crisis between us, it was because of my mental health.I wasnt very active but i made sure to reply and stuff,we talked she understood it was all okay she wasnt distant but..2 weeks later she started messaging a lot with her 50 yo co worker,shes 21..then instead of solving stuff with me she actually was messaging him about our problems pretty much.The thing is her co worker has bad wife apparently he always says how terrible she is and stuff.She became really distant durning 2 weeks,i came to her house later and we were talking but she was cold etc,i noticed shes hiding her phone all the time even waking up 2–3 times making sure i wont see then i couldnt resist and took it… it was first time i ever done something like this.i was messages where he was saying bad stuff about me even though we only exchanged 10–20 words max we didnt know each other and then i went up…my gf texted him i love you … he said it back… she says its relationship of daughter and father type but when i asked she said maybe he things its more but i dont.we had emotional talk again she understood it wasnt okay to act like this kinda keeping it all texting him all the time and starting secrets with me i understand i wasnt there but like why?So it was all okay between us until this morning she broke up with me saying sorry she was hurting me and acting cold,keeping it from me and i asked why she was running away to someone else? she said she doesnt know…Now im back home alone also u think this is strange?Also 2 days before breakup we went for pizza me,that co worker and his son..and her,she didnt even wanna hold my hand in the car. it hurt to see them talk normally while she couldnt talk with me it all started going weird way in that 2 week period and she even addmited they talked like this for 2 weeks…She even defended him a bit saying now after that pizza time he likes me and stuff my head is full of weird things idk what to think..is there something going on? her mother said ah forget it hes just her like father mentor he even comes there for coffee etc she didnt even see anything strange but i have bad feeling,she was kinda lying all the time to this day.when i tried to confront her about this she was saying bad things from past,hes like father but im thinking maybe she doesnt see this?maybe hes taking chances right now ? or im going crazy…I didnt hurt her potentially on purpose…She felt bad and stuff but she understood we talked but things went downhill right now all of sudden PLEASE HELP? Also reason of breakup up was that she was hurting me and i was hurting her she talks about that time i wasnt very good also we had small fights but no relationship is perfect…She couldnt say to me i love you but to him yes? am i freaking out?She was apologizing so much after i found out yesterday about those texts then next day she deleted all chat with him saying so i wont read too much because they talked deeply about things she said (one of text was like.. i love him but i have still a bit of grudge i can see hes trying then he was like stupid idiot…now he sees that hes losing u and hes trying his best u deserve something better than him)She was really hiding all of this.. whats the reason

OP posts:
Fupoffyagrasshole · 12/07/2026 14:24

She doesn’t want to be with you ! So leave her alone and let her break up with you if that’s what she wants.

Harrietsaunt · 12/07/2026 14:28

Your relationship is definitely over. You need to come to terms with the fact.

Do you have any friends or family you can talk to in real life?

QuaintBeaker · 12/07/2026 14:29

Your post was really hard to read and keep track of.

But ultimately, she doesn't want to be with you, for whatever reason.

It'll hurt. But you'll be OK.

Mike5454454 · 12/07/2026 14:33

QuaintBeaker · 12/07/2026 14:29

Your post was really hard to read and keep track of.

But ultimately, she doesn't want to be with you, for whatever reason.

It'll hurt. But you'll be OK.

Could this guy be using situation to get into her? I find it really weird and her acting so weird and trying to defend her self but in the end admitting to all when i tried to talk about it

OP posts:
QuaintBeaker · 12/07/2026 14:35

Mike5454454 · 12/07/2026 14:33

Could this guy be using situation to get into her? I find it really weird and her acting so weird and trying to defend her self but in the end admitting to all when i tried to talk about it

Maybe. But that's her issue to deal with.

Mike5454454 · 12/07/2026 14:37

QuaintBeaker · 12/07/2026 14:35

Maybe. But that's her issue to deal with.

Im just angry.. she even admit that he might be seeing more but she doesnt and the way how he was talking about me and just her keeping it from me even her sister said that its weird...

OP posts:
OldrNWisr · 12/07/2026 14:39

Let her go and get on with your life.

Mike5454454 · 12/07/2026 14:42

OldrNWisr · 12/07/2026 14:39

Let her go and get on with your life.

Its so difficult because we built something and our first crisis hit..im not even sure if shes aware what this guy might be doing..but her texting i love you to him while she had difficulty saying it back to me?She was apologizing so much that she hurt me since the day i came to her house and all started ruining and that weird keeping things from me and weird defensive lines?? I dont know what to feel anymore seriously and she said that she deleted whole chat so i dont see much apparently those were weird facts about him no one should know she said

OP posts:
OldrNWisr · 12/07/2026 14:46

The bottom line is that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Whether that’s anything to do with the older man or not doesn’t change that fact. If you have to persuade someone to be with you, then it’s over. Why would you want her to stay in those circumstances? You’re young, life is short, find someone who wants what you want.

Mike5454454 · 12/07/2026 14:58

OldrNWisr · 12/07/2026 14:46

The bottom line is that she doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Whether that’s anything to do with the older man or not doesn’t change that fact. If you have to persuade someone to be with you, then it’s over. Why would you want her to stay in those circumstances? You’re young, life is short, find someone who wants what you want.

I just wanna know other opinion.Is her behavior weird or no?

OP posts:
QuaintBeaker · 12/07/2026 15:01

Ok no, her behaviour isn't weird per se.

It sounds, to me, like she was feeling neglected by you and liked the attention of the co-worker
She knew it was inappropriate which is why she didn't want you seeing her phone. But I could be wrong because I don't know her and I've only heard your side. Nobody here will know for sure, only she knows.

She clearly doesn't want to continue the relationship with you and she has told you as much.

Kindly, you need to let it go and move on. I know it's hard.

Harrietsaunt · 12/07/2026 15:02

It’s irrelevant if it’s weird. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. It’s over. So stop thinking about her and focus on yourself. Set yourself some targets to achieve this year.

Sodthesystem · 12/07/2026 15:19

I mean look, He is obviously a creepy old man who is grooming her.

Him talking about his evil wife is what abusers do. They have to make it seem like they have an excuse for trying it on with you because their wife is evil incarnate. Dirty old man.

And of course he will be driving a wedge between you.

I’d tell her that you respect her wish to end things and wish her all the best but, that she is being groomed and would be wise to read up on grooming and how it takes place and how to spot narcissist love bombing and be careful.

Something like “I respect your decision to end things and wish you well. But please read up on grooming and love bombing and how to spot abuse. Please be aware that a man who talks horribly about his wife, is doing so to con you into thinking it’s ok to cheat with him. His wife is probably a lovely woman. And he, is a dirty old man. Stay safe Sarah, wishing you all the best”.

And then once she has read it, block her and start moving on with your life.
Befuae yes when people we love are in danger we should warn them. Unfortunately, this narcissistic man has got his claws in so she may not listen. But maybe in future when she starts to realise he is bad news, she will google grooming and start to feel more confident to leave him. So you will have at least helped there.

But the more you push, the more she will pull away. And, frankly, you two are finished now, reasons aside. So make a clean break and start focusing on getting over things yourself. Warn her, then block her. That way you can rest easy knowing you did what you can. But are still respecting the break up. Because regardless of the reason, no means no. And you should respect her boundaries. I’m sorry, break ups are hard. But hopefully her family will help her if she needs to escape him. You just focus on taking care of your mental health and getting over the break up.

WallaceinAnderland · 12/07/2026 15:31

You don't own her.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 12/07/2026 15:37

OP, you said ’we broke up today’

@Harrietsaunt said - ’Set yourself some targets to achieve this year.’

Focus on those two statements.

Mike5454454 · 12/07/2026 15:47

Sodthesystem · 12/07/2026 15:19

I mean look, He is obviously a creepy old man who is grooming her.

Him talking about his evil wife is what abusers do. They have to make it seem like they have an excuse for trying it on with you because their wife is evil incarnate. Dirty old man.

And of course he will be driving a wedge between you.

I’d tell her that you respect her wish to end things and wish her all the best but, that she is being groomed and would be wise to read up on grooming and how it takes place and how to spot narcissist love bombing and be careful.

Something like “I respect your decision to end things and wish you well. But please read up on grooming and love bombing and how to spot abuse. Please be aware that a man who talks horribly about his wife, is doing so to con you into thinking it’s ok to cheat with him. His wife is probably a lovely woman. And he, is a dirty old man. Stay safe Sarah, wishing you all the best”.

And then once she has read it, block her and start moving on with your life.
Befuae yes when people we love are in danger we should warn them. Unfortunately, this narcissistic man has got his claws in so she may not listen. But maybe in future when she starts to realise he is bad news, she will google grooming and start to feel more confident to leave him. So you will have at least helped there.

But the more you push, the more she will pull away. And, frankly, you two are finished now, reasons aside. So make a clean break and start focusing on getting over things yourself. Warn her, then block her. That way you can rest easy knowing you did what you can. But are still respecting the break up. Because regardless of the reason, no means no. And you should respect her boundaries. I’m sorry, break ups are hard. But hopefully her family will help her if she needs to escape him. You just focus on taking care of your mental health and getting over the break up.

Edited

Thanks her family doesnt see a problem but his messages were def against me and kinda offensive..her mother said she feels safe about their relation

OP posts:
OldrNWisr · 12/07/2026 17:37

Walk away, it’s done.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 12/07/2026 17:41

Anyone can break up With you at anytime, that's just life

she doesn't want to be with you, that's it

Sodthesystem · 12/07/2026 18:54

Mike5454454 · 12/07/2026 15:47

Thanks her family doesnt see a problem but his messages were def against me and kinda offensive..her mother said she feels safe about their relation

I mean he’s probably groomed her as well.

You can’t cure a fool. They have to learn themselves.

I do think you have to consider the fact that if you had been a good partner she probably wouldn’t have been stollen away from under your nose by someone who is probably acting like her biggest supporter. She wouldn’t perhaps, have been so desperate for kindness and support that she ended up falling for his false charms.

Consider how to treat partners better in future. Stay single until your mental health is in a good place and learn what lessons you can from this experience.

You can only make choices for you. She has to make her own. And you have to respect that unfortunately her choice regarding this relationship has been made.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread