Unhappy relationship with a child and worries about coping alone

[mamaxbear]

I’ve felt very unhappy in my relationship for some time now, over a year or 2 and I feel like I’m at the end of the road. We have a 4 year old, I’m concerned how it’s going to impact our child but I don’t know if I can do this anymore. He lies about his finances, even when I question him about his spending he lies to my face even though I know the truth and I’ve seen the evidence through letters and phone notifications. I’m so unhappy, I’m depressed and I don’t love him anymore. I’m scared about what it’s going to look like for me financially, I work full time but I don’t know if I could manage on my own…

You can only control what you can control so sit down and focus on your finances. What does that look like?
Can you manage without any input from him whatsoever?
If that’s the case you’re in a very strong position and anything that the child support agency is able to get from him is literally a bonus. That’s the way. I always looked at it. It’s so wrong but it’s true.
The emotional side it will probably take you a long time to get over the disappointment of the fantasy of the nuclear family being exactly that

I’m going to sit down and look at everything very soon. I’ve been putting it off because it’s taken me a while to get to this point, but I think there’s no going back for me now.

Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about how you feel and I know that is so difficult
But kind of like one last opportunity for it to be turned around once you pull the plug it’s very difficult to recover from and you two have got another 14 years ahead of you of coparenting so somehow you are going to have to communicate either as a married couple or not

I think we’ve been having the same conversations for the last two years. Nothing changes, and if it does it’s for a very short period of time. The thing that I think has triggered me feeling like this is the lying about finances, he will spend hundreds and hundreds on himself, but will try and be tight elsewhere. He’s in debt and tries to keep it from me.

You'll cope OP, trust me. Creating a happy home for yourself and your child is more important than anything else.

My ex tried to starve me back, knowing I would have to pay full nursery fees and full rent by myself, but I managed. My rented flat may have been decidedly grotty but it was still a happy home for 12 months while I got sorted. Good luck.

It sounds as though you can do no more you’ve given it a good go. Some things just aren’t meant to be and intelligent people know when to pull the plug and when to draw the line.
You will be fine, and I say this is somebody who left with four children one in a buggy and four suitcases
I now own two houses. I’ve put three of them through university. I’m giving House deposits to the oldest two
And paying for driving lessons and cars for the youngest two
It’s amazing once the deadweight is removed and we focus on what’s important what women can achieve alone

How did you do it? Where did you find the courage from?

Wow that’s amazing, well done to you x

I had no choice. He had an affair which he didn’t get caught out on.
And then he decided one day to just confessed to it when we were on the absolute bones of our arses neither of us were working in a foreign country.
And he wasn’t particularly sorry.

He’s rewritten history completely and I found out the house was in his name so I never got a Penny. Despite being married. That’s a very long story. I won’t bother you with now.
I literally had no choice but to pull myself together get myself home left behind everything I’ve worked for for 20 years
And started again
You are in a position of comfort and power because you’re going to drive this
And having that prior knowledge to plan things rather than react to things is incredibly advantageous

Is he employed? Do you have a good idea of what he takes home?

Have you looked at whether you would be entitled to any benefits?

Do you rent?

I was on my own with DC from when he was months old. It is hard at times, no doubt. But your situation sounds harder. Gather your strength and hopefully some support

Wow wow wow. Good for you, you should be so proud of yourself. Thank you x

He is, roughly I’d say £35,000. We rent and I’ve had a quick look into whether I’d qualify for UC, but it honestly just confuses me. I work full time and bring home around £27,000 a year before tax.

You will be better off without him quite frankly unless he is paying for everything right now bills and towards your child if he’s not you’re fine. Jump on this Calculator https://www.entitledto.co.uk