Friends when you are in your 40s

[lemontree27]

I’m in my early 40s and feeling a bit sad about friendships.
A friend of mine has a close group of five mums. They meet up, go away together, and seem really close.
I have people to meet for coffee, but nothing deeper.
How many close friends do you have? Has anyone else found making lasting friendships in adulthood difficult?I’m a mum, so I go to playdates and see other mums quite a lot but feel lonely

I have a friend that I've been friends with for 42 years
Another for 37
A close friend that I go on holiday with for 24 years and a male friend for 21years.
With the exception of the male friend, all the others have their own friends that have become my friends as well, not mega close but as a group we invite each other to house parties or gigs if we know someone might be interested etc.

I have a few but the friendships do ebb and flow. One friend since forever but we have had gaps over the years. One I met at my DD's primary school. Two work mates who I see out of work. It all requires effort though.

How old are your DC? If you like any of the coffee mums in particular maybe that's a good place to start putting your energy.

It’s hard to make friends as an adult, especially when you are busy working etc. I have a few casual friends. I have two sisters who I am very close too and an older niece.
There is lots of people in your situation. Would you be interested in joining a group? Editing out Solo travelling.. Sorry I see you have children. Fingers crossed that things get better.

All the very close friends I have are from school, University, work or school gate. Closeness can take a long time. I do have some nice friend’s from voluntary work and hobby groups since I retired but I think it’s a bit unrealistic to expect very close friendships very quickly. The last very good friendships I made were at the school gate when the kids were little, it’s 20 years now.

I think many adult relationships are very much for a reason or season.

Have been stung a couple of times because I am a good listener and when they were out of the mire I was no longer needed. Fortunately I have many long term friends, longest is 55 years.

Just meet as many people as you can.

I have a friend who is DD’s friends mum. We’re friends with the whole family actually. They met at nursery when they were 3 and now 13. I made a friend a few years ago but it’s fizzled out, I made another friend through her and we’ve become better friends. I have a friend through work, couple of old friends one from school and one is DH’s school friend’s wife. I have friends through hobbies but no big friendship group. I realised I don’t like this though

Nope. Moved from central London to one of the home counties, now don't have any friends! And I do mean zero. I get where you are coming from.

I think you should start by asking yourself why you’re in this position? You haven’t always been a mum in your 40s, so what happened to school/university/ work friends? If you’ve moved around, do you stay in touch with friends from your old location? Are there old friendships that drifted that you could rekindle?

@SuddenLightbulbhi, 3 of my close friends (coincidently) moved back to their countries. I am still in touch with them but it’s not the same😩